Autumns feelings

I love that it's getting colder each day! :)

The colors outside are so pretty, it's been raining a lot lately though,
But it's nice.

Freya's been listening to some gaming music.Turns out she loves it haha





She loves the second song, "I love you". haha So cute.
I'm totally making gaming videos with these songs.

Talking about games,I gave out 8 free beta codes to Infinity Warfare on Instagram the other day. :D

Don't think I've ever been that praised in my life lol
Naturally I have a code for me and one for frost too. Duh.
I've been playing it all weekend. But you know....I'm not sure about it yet.
It's so so atm. But it's a Beta so hopefully it'll be way more awesome next week when they release it.

Saturday's treaty treats ♡

Omnomnomnom.... ♡♡♡

I made "tomte plättar". Like tiny pancakes. But sweet.

Freya loved them. 😊 And Frost did too.
Goodie good. I'm glad.   

We're going to stupid birthday party later. 😑
But we can't stay long anyway cause Freya has to sleep around 8. I'll let her stay up a while after 8 but she needs to be in bed way before 9.

Well, we've been watching the latest episode of American horror Story while eating "plätar"  😃

My mouth is hurting as usual...

Thurr thurr thursdaaaaay

Ya know....just when I think shit's real bad. That my EDS is fucking me over and now dental issues... tooth aches are never fun.

So there I am, thinking shit's sunk low in my life... EDS worries etc.
And my boss calls me and offers me a position in the company. In the office :D

He said that considering my EDS it'd be good for me. I can still work at A's place.
And I'll be working at the office as a informer. And once I've gather a few clients it'll be MY clients, which I'll need to handle. And then I'll be promoted as an assistant coordinator. Woho!

I was really surprised by this. He said the he's really interested in me and that he thinks I have a lot of hidden talents. It's a pity that I don't have that many useful talents. But talking sure is one of those talents :D

And my voice is apparently very pleasing over the phone, so he want's me to handle a lot of clients over the phone.

I wonder if I'll fuck this up... or if I'll flourish in it. Time will tell.

I was kinda shocked when he asked me to do this so I'm still wondering how the fuck you're supposed to do this O___o


It's kinda cool that it's a custom made role in the company for me hahah

Yesterdays fun

My mouth is hurting today as well. It's been one rough fucking day for me.

And now yet another shitty night awaits. Yay.

I'm not sure I can handle more nights like this.....

Buuuuuuuut I should'nt complain so much I guess.

I'm currently getting a nice foot massage from my man <3

and earlier a back and neck rub. Mmm.... 

I think we're gonna go to bed now :3 teeheeee

Here's the rest of the pictures we took yesterday of Freyster :D

Good....evening?

Or maybe it's good morning now.

Yeah....it's Good Morning. 😊 It's about 5:30 AM now.... I've been awake the entire night. The ENTIRE DAMN NIGHT.

And I spent the past hour laying next to Freyster in her bed. She woke up screaming like crazy. So she probably had a nightmare. Poor babypuff 💙

That's not the reason I've been up all night though. My tooth ☞ or teeth ☜  (I can't tell which one or if all my teeth on the left side hurts) but it's been hurting like motherfudgsical crazy. I mean that kind of insane tooth pain that can make you fucking GO insane. I just wanted to bang my head as hard as I could into the concrete wall. :(

I've been laying in our bed rolling back and forth...slapping myself...rubbing my jaw... I've actually been shaking out of pain... (It's apparently very normal for someone with EDS to get issues like this with the teeth and the jaw) and my jaw's been locking itself and the gums got swollen and shit....the ENTIRE left side of my mouth is soooooo painful.

In the end I couldn't take it anymore so I took a few pills. A little over the normal dose. Praying that it'd work...even just a little. Just taking the edge if the pain away would help so much..... but nothing happened. 💔 Instead the pain grew worse so I had to take even more pills.

So now I'm laying next to Frost, high as a God damn kite. And still in fucking pain. FUCK. So there's no use in trying to take more cause I'll just get an insane opiate itch and waste pills that I'll be needing when my body is being a douche due to EDS.

It's so funny... I'm used to extreme pain. Every day. But tooth ache is a fucking pain of it's own. It's enough to drive anyone crazy.

Thing is I started talking to Frost about my toothache before bed time last night, and I explained to him how terrified I am about going to the dentist in November.
And then BAM!! Hello Panic attack.

I know I have a severe dentist phobia....or just plain old FEAR. But I thought I could handle it. And now I realize I can't do it. I FUCKING CAN'T DO IT!! What the hell am I supposed to do? They're gonna give me laughing gas to make me "relax" so I won't be immune to the shots and sedatives they give me. Buuuuut now it's like I can't go there at all. They're gonna have to sedate me completely. I'll need to be asleep ffs. I can't stop thinking about it. It's crazy...and lame. And I'm ridiculously scared.

Ooourghh... it just won't stop hurting. FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUUUUUUCK. And since my oxy's didn't help I took ibuprofen just now hoping it'll ease the pain just a wee bit.

But when I laid next to Freya it kinda...well... I still hurt like a motherf☆ck☆er but at least I had my focus on her instead. She laid there looking at me with her big blue eyes... I saw her eyelashes flutter in the dark and then she smiled and said Mamma.
I accidentally let out a little whimper because of my jaw...and she turned around and grabbed my face and hugged my head... cradling me almost and said "sshhhh ssshhhh shhhh" while rubbing my face. And then she whispered random words (they weren't even real words lol) and I realized she was trying to whisper "sshhh sshhh It'll be ok".. or something like that...Just like me and Frost do to her when she's crying. 😄

So damn adorable. ❣💕💙  she's seriously such a sweet kid. I don't think there is a more adorable kid out there. (Proud parents here)

She's learning what empathy is. Go my baby girl!

She did the same while I was putting her to bed last night ♡  She kicked me cause she was playing around and I pretended that it hurt, and she immediately grabbed my head and hugged my face and said ssshh sshhh and whispered those completely weird non-words haha And it just warmed my heart. I laid there with an extreme pain in the mouth and a giant smile on it too at the same time. Haha 💕
There's so much love in our little family.

I laid in the bed with her for... probably 40 minutes or so? Best 40 minutes ever. Haha
I love sleeping next to that doodle. And daddy loves sleeping with his little doodle too.
Damn, if he only knew how my night has been (and continues to be) I'm so miserable right now.

Good luck sleeping while I'm this fucking high. Darn it. 😒  It's impossible. Plus the pain makes it even more impossible so....yeah...there's no winning here. Let's just hope that it's gone tomorrow. 

Unfortunately I'm laying here panicking about going to the dentist again. Shit.
Even if it's in late November. Dear God I really can't let it go. LOL

So let me distract myself by just telling you about how the day was, ok?

The day was awesome. 😊❣💖  We played in the park for a loooong time. Freya had so much fun. We made sandcastles and ran around. Went down the slide and ran around with Frost.    She even played tag with LeiLei haha and LeiLei was running around like a maniac. Freya laughed so hard at LeiLei going around like a hurricane haha Frost held hot chocolate and I had  coffee ☕😊 Freya walked around sipping on the hot chocolate every now and then while inspecting the playground :)

I took a lot of pics and so did Frost. ♡

I'm going to post all of them tomorrow ok? 

But here's one Frost took of me and Freyster  ♡♡♡

Sorry for writing a fucking novel but it's good to distract myself when I'm in pain.
But I guess I need to try and sleep too. I'm completely exhausted yet too high to sleep. Gah...what a dumb situation. I wish someone could punch me in the face real heard. Just knock me out..

Toothaches suck.

I probably wouldn't be able to sleep if the pain disappeared anyway... the panic about going to the dentist is haunting me every night pretty much.

I'm going to hug Frost now with all my might and try to enjoy myself while snuggling him 💖

Pancake palace

Haha "Pancake palace"......that's what my old place used to be called then people signed in on a location when they were at my house.
Cause I always made pancakes on Sundays 😀 I remember that Emma used to show up at the door around 3 in the morning on a Saturday night completely shitfaced...just so she could wake up to the smell of fresh coffee and American pancakes lmao Same when Joel used to live with us and Peder would show up out of the blue too. It was pretty  fun to live with 4 men. But after a while they just get annoying and stinky.....

But I have some funny memories from that time. Me and Frost would seriously Skype from morning till....well...next morning lol and then Daniel would always bang on my door around 10:30 and force me to get up,  (even though I went to bed at 5:30...) have coffee and be a human and all that shit.

And then I'd get out and see all their happy smiling faces and they'd  be all like "There's fresh coffee in the pot for ya". And I knew I had to make pancakes. And then they'd start asking about Frost again. Same thing every day.
And me and Frost seriously wrote each other every minute of the day. And every chance we had, we'd Skype ♡♡♡
He's always been very good at giving me all the attention I need. Still is ♡

Oh well... it's Sunday today so obviously we made pancakes 😄 (no drunkards or smelly bastards here this time though lol)

Freya ate them as they were, but I like mine swimming in pure maple syrup :) ♡♡

Tomorrow Stajna is coming over to hang out, and I'm making a peach cobbler ♡ Yay~  A good one too. Yep.

And I'm going to Sofi on Tuesday. I've missed her  ♡  I still haven't seen her new house, so that'll be pretty nice I guess: )

Well we've had a nice weekend. I just wished I didn't have such pain and cramps that ruined my sleep. I didn't get to sleep at all pretty much.... blah.
So in a way, this weekend could've been a liiiìittle better. But it's always nice if I'm with Frost. Nothing can change that. <3

Well what else can I say.... hmmm.... meh. I played a little Destiny with a friend. He helped us level up a little and shit 
I also found a way to help Ida level up in light too which is good. Yep.
Oh and I tried that strike on hard yesterday....whoooa. Somehow I did better than I expected. LOL Good job me.

Oh and it looks like I might be on a longer sickleave. We'll see.... But my brain keeps doing the opposite of what I'm trying to do. Like if I want hot water, I'll desperately turn it to cold even though I WANT hot water. And I see the red dot which indicates hot water. (Duh) yet I still do the opposite and go for the blue. Even though I'm trying to make it right.
It's very confusing. 
And so fucking annoying.

Oh Well, I gotta get back to Frost and watch Ash vs the Evil Dead season 2 now. 😀 
I looooooove Ash vs The Evil Dead.

Jamie :)

I got a text yesterday :)


Jamie loved the babygym I bought him! YAY!

I'm glad haha Though I picked that one specifically cause I knew his mother loves owls ;)

Man,why are these things so fucking expensive t? Especially these with owls on it. WHY?

I mean...seriously. It's just a piece of fabric and fluff pretty much. And some other stuff lol

But still....900kr for a babygym is insane. 

I looked at Mumin one we borrowed from Stina when Freyster was a baby and that was like 700 kr or something too. Jeez.... O__O

I am sooo sorry it's ruined with all the fur and shit and babypuke lol

Anyway.... it's a wonderful day. Me and Frost are about to play with a friend of mine online. We're gonna do a raid. Now, raids are impossible to do when you have a child. But since weäre babyfree this weekends I wanted to do it. :D It'll be hard but fun!

Right now, Freya is making apple pie with my mom <3
They went out for fike in Askersun earlier too. Such a cutie <3

Friends

So yesterday Moa and Little Arthur showed up :)

Gosh, such an adorable wee baby. I forgot how light they are haha

Freya loved little Arthur <3
Maybe they'll be best friends :3


Freya is in the summer house this weekend with granny and Lasse.
She's having a hoot. But I miss her like fucking crazy. That sweet smile of hers and her giggle <3

I ♡ you

We had a snuggle evening. Yay! Those are the best!

Being intimate in a relationship is the key to happiness you know. 😀
Now idiots would say "fuck yeah...sex is SO important dude".
But nah...not all intimacy has to do with people exchanging body fluids and groans. 😑

Snuggles are like the best way to refill your love and snuggle meter haha  ❤ You get all energized and shit. ❤

Plus, snuggles are a great way to see how your relationship is. If you don't snuggle, then you don't really have much tender loving or romance, am I right? What I'm saying is: when you're in love. Snuggles are just as important as sex. "You NEED his body heat to stay alive" or something. That's how I feel.

So if you don't do snuggles in your relationship, you should probably worry. At least a little.
This all the people that live in a loveless relationship would get all defensive now and be like "nuh uh! Our sex is great and we're totally still in love and we love on each other and shit. It's just that he doesn't like to cuddle that much".

Aaaaalrighty then.... Cool. (awkward) 

Though sex has absolutely nothing to do with the intimacy that I was talking about.  (Can you tell I've had this discussion before? lol) but okiedokie.

Yeah. Idiots will be idiots. 

I've stopped giving advice's to people. The only ones getting advices from me are people that I truly love these days.

Talking about that, one of my close friends finally got herself a girlfriend! Congrats!!! You look adorable together and I'm so happy for you ♡♡♡
Man, I wish nothing but happiness in your life "M.s I now work at Lush cosmetics" ❤

Aaaaanyway.

I've gotta say it's been a lovely evening 😄
*wiggle wiggle*

Freya went to bed, and Frost went to sleep between my legs lmao ❤❤❤

I stayed up and  watched Jessica Jones for way too many hours. Crap basket.

I NEED to sleep now. It's almost 3am. And I've gotta sit on a bus for a loooooong time tomorrow, to go see a friend 😄
My God, I know we'll have a fucking hoot ❤  we have to plan for Christmas!! 
Yay!

It's a new day

Good morning sunshines 😃

It's a beautiful autumn day. It's already October...gosh.  Where'd the time go? 😮

It feels really good that Frost takes the mornings when he's home. I mean it feels good to know that I can lay in bed till 9 sometimes and he'll handle Freyster. 

It's a reassuring feeling I suppose. Haha
(I handle the Going to bed at night part though😴) I try to make it fair 😄

But yeah... it takes a while before my body starts to function in the morning. And it can take a loooong while too. But today I was lucky enough to just have my knees not working. Usually my back plays a big role in the morning misery. But I seem to be free from that today 😀 So when my body is a bitch, Frost is my superHero haha

I do get out of bed pretty fast normally if I'm alone with Freya. Motherly instincts are stronger than most things. You'd be surprised 🌟
They'll kick in and you'll get your ass up no matter what. 

PEEEEW!!☇☇☇ Like a greased lightning lol 

Well, I mean. Most moms have motherly instincts anyway. Though I've seen one or two that just lacks them completely. 😒😒😒

But why focus on the crappy moms? Focus on the good ones. 🌟 😃
I know Onka is going to be a great mom. Aaah I miss her. I'll spoil her baby like crazy lol

So yay for that. Less yay for me going to the dentist today. 😑 eeeuuughh..... *shivers*

Well. I should get ready. ♡

Freya has been veeeeeery snuggly this morning 😍

Toothache and no cloves

My mouth...is killing me. I'm supposed to pull my wisdom tooth out, but due to certain things (like me not responding to sedatives and shit) it wont yaoleb till December. They'll give me laughing gas then. Cool. I'll have a blast pulling that fucker out I guess...if i can survive till then that is.
My gums so swollen and so is the entire left osrt of my mouth. Gaaah.... It hurts so bad. Toothache is that kind if annoying oain ya know? It's annoying AF and painful AF too. Blah.

Anyhoooo.... Frost and I will have a good time this weekend 😄 yay! It's date time! Woop woop. I can't wait ❤

Well this weekend came and went as quickly as a...uh....Ah.... Well. No need to do lame teen boy jokes I suppose. Ehehehh. My humor ain't always appreciated lol
I dint see why not though... 🤔

Welp, what else. Oh I've been playing Destiny a lot with Ida. And today i played one of the new strikes in Rise Of Iron. (I dont think I need to explain in detail how exciting that was) But somehow it excited me even more to play on hard and heroic 😃 yay! 

So...I just got home from the orthopaedic-technical clinic. Mom drove me (thank yoooou~♡♡♡)
I'm going to sit down now...chill, have some coffee and kiss my daughter like crazy. Ahd then I'll attack my man.

He cleaned the entire apartment while I was gone ♡♡♡