Black and white

I rarely take selfies, but sometimes I fucking do. lmao

But most of the time it's pics of Freyster & Frost 💜💜💜💜💜💜

But Frost has been complaining that I'm never in photos so he decided to change that. 😑

But I do love the pics with Freya-Rose 💛

I love black and white photos. 

My 2 favorite people have very colorful and goofy personalities.

They're just 2 colorful beings. Simple as that.

They bring so much color into my life, and my art ideas are endless. 

(it's like a colorful explosion inside my mind, full of fairy tales & legends)

But putting them in black and white pics makes the photos kinda lively. 

Don't you think?

It's black and white photos with such a colorful feeling.

You know...I have been blessed with a peculiar mind. It works differently from most people.

My way of seeing things, and my imagination is definitely a blessing. 

And for that I am happy.

Guess finding the small things in life and appreciating them is more important than you'd think huh?

Life

I've created my third character in Destiny 2 now. Since my other two are past 290 now. (if I use the best gear that is) so I figured creating a titan could be cool 😁

Our clan is doing awesome, so it's been fun :D All that's left is doing a raid.
Luckily we're part of the best clan ever.


It's been a few rough days I suppose... I guess I'm still in denial about having hEDS.
I mean I KNOW it, I just..didn't quite accept it. According to Frost....I guess he's right.
I still hope to suddenly wake up one day and not be in pain anymore. But oh well.
Shit happens. There's so many people out there in worse situations than me. And if they can manage, so can I.

Plus, I can't say this enough, but I have the best friends and family. I'm surrounded by amazing people. I love you all far and near. Each and every one of you mean a lot to me.

Ah, we went outside a bit earlier today. Picked some acorns and chestnuts and shit. It was nice. Even though I probably stepped in dogshit. 😒

OH! Freya hit her poor toe earlier today, SO HARD! Right before I was going to meet mom for lunch.
 Ugh, the feeling in your heart when you see blood sipping through your kids fingers... I mean, I sorta panicked on the inside. I may have seemed calm, but I was screaming on the inside.

Cause at first I didn't know what happened. I just heard her cry and saw her lying on the floor, and then saw a lot of blood (ridiculous amount of blood for a toe really...) When I finally managed to pry her little fingers open and see the toe...I realized that she had hit the toe so hard that the nail almost got ripped off and the skin right before the nail too had been scraped. Poor baby. 💔 She cried so much, and I tried to clean it best I could and put Frozen bandaids on it. At least she got to see queen Elsa on her toe 💚 My little sweetie...she eventually fell asleep on out bed.
It's always a horrible feeling when your child gets hurt. And blood always make shit seem a 100 times worse. Gah...my heart.

well, Moving on, she's fine now. (thank the gods) She got to choose what kind of treaty treats she wanted for tonight and she chose chips (that's probably thanks to Lasse haha) And she's really happy now.
Well, I'm gonna snuggle Freyster a bit now, and watch Oggy & the cockroaches (Frost hates that show but I kinda like it lol and so does Freya) and after that I might play a round or two :D



I wonder if one ever really accepts the truth if it's something bad... I mean, I'd much rather keep hoping for a day when I'm not in pain you know? But I'm also very logical. I understand how real life works. But I still think a small part of you always hopes for the best no matter how much your'e trying to deny it. Like how someone in a wheelchair wishes to walk again. I'm not comparing myself to that, but the feeling of wanting to do something but not being able todo it  or something like that...I understand it very well.

But whatever, Frost is studying for his license, and swedish... and he'll either study biomedicine at the university or mechanics and shit, or maybe find a cool and awesome job. So I guess I'll root for him instead :)

Chocolatier

Today me and my sis went out on adventures 😀

Strutted around in town in the early morning, went for some fika at a fancy shop, aaaaand we also went to the chocolatier shop 💛 And while we were at it, we just snooped around in some other shops  too :) I loved hanging out with her today 💜 It was nice.

We took some treaty treats with us home and ate it together with the rest 💕 Freyster got a freshly baked cinnamon bun 💛

(they sold some tasty pannacotta and chocolate mousse with caramel and coconut in a jar. Fucking tasty)

Also, the pralines were pretty to look at, but kinda disappointing to nom on. But then again, my tastebuds have been acting weird lately 😔 

Pity ain't it? Yeah, I know. But oh well. That store usually have delicious ones, and the owner adores me lol If she had been there today she'd given me epic flavors I tell ya. (she did gave me a bunch of stuff when I left for America)

But some of these pralines were still tasty. Like the champagne truffle, and the honey one too 😊

I bought some for Frost too but he just munched them down so quick that I never got to know what he thought about them hehe

Well, I have to say that I've had a splendid day after all :) I think we all did!

Apart from my phone being a dick, it's been great! I mean, before the day even started I even got an awesome and sweet full body massage from Frost 😇 Not only did it feel amaaaazing, but it also made me feel really loved 💕 Plus, We even got so sleep till 09:25 this morning. Do you know how rare that is?! RARE AS FUCK I tell you 👈 

Freya snored away between us in bed lol So technically the day even started supernice 👍

Well, we're about to hit Destiny 2 soon, and Freyster is about to brush her teeth and getting ready for bedtime! 💖 I wonder what tomorrow has in store for us.

Marbles

Slacking off on the couch and enjoying my oh so very tasty coffee, while watching some Astrid Lindgrens stuff with my snuggle monster 💛


Freya went to the dentist yesterday 😀
She was such a good girl. She was scared though, but when the dentist counted my teeth, she realized that it's ok lol So she let them count hers too.
Afterwards we went to a little store and let her pick out some toys.
Cause she was so brave, and it made me proud. 💛

I bought her a little bag with big pretty glass marbles in it. And for some reason, that was the best gift ever haha She loves her marbles. I gotta say though, they are very pretty 💘

Today is just like a...snuggle day? yeah a snuggle day. Cold wet weather, playing some destiny while Freya enjoys her Pippi Långstrump show 💚 Gave her a giant fruit salad too, without the cream.
Yeah, she's in an anti-cream phase right now for some reason.

And I'm about to start making dinner now. Chicken with chanterelle (a yellow mushroom) sauce and either pasta or bulgur with it. Can't really make up my mind about that. 😕 Pasta would probably be tastier with a rich creamy sauce with it huh? Yeah....it's leaning towards pasta. Freyster will get her gluten free animal pasta haha it's adorable. Got some top notch broth to put in the sauce too. Mmm... Groovy gravy baby.

Oh and I was doodling on Frosts phone earlier, and (I wasn't snooping btw, if that's how it sounds lol I was just sending myself some pics that I took with his phone. Cause my phone fucking sucks giant donkey balls😒) I saw this photo of them. 😍

Omigosh how cute are they?! Look at my amazing sweethearts 💜

Seriously, I love this photo of them. They're fucking adorable!

(argh, I just reminded myself of how much I hate my cunt phone)

Freya absolutely loves starts and moons and planets. 

That's why I had to put the little cloud with stars on the photo haha 😂

I think it's awesome that she does though, cause I did too when I was a kid.

(well I still do haha And it just so happens to be that Frost is someone who loves reading articles and science texts about space and shit so yay that) 

It's rare for a child her age to like it though, but I think it's kinda cool. 

It's probably cause Frost always told her "Look at the moon, isn't it pretty?" 

and she just kinda got into the moon lol

So when were out and it's somewhat dark, we always go look at stars.

I'm gonna buy Freya some glow in the dark stars and planets and put in her ceiling.

She's got a star and moon projector that glows up the entire room at night. The walls and ceiling are covered in them. (Maybe I'll just buy her a new and better space projector some day?)

Well I think this is enough rambling about the day for now.

I should go get the chicken ready. Yum yum.

I'm gonna make a new header for the blog too today. It's autumn after all.

And I wanna change it since it makes me miss Lei lei so fucking much every time I look at it.

I will eventually change my blog address to Awesomestkoala too.

Same as my username on PS4 and xbox 👍

plus, I don't have an asian dog anymore........................

Songs from my teens

I figured I'd post some songs that I loved as a teenager. They're still good though :D


(did you know, my mom gave me this album with Offspring for christmas when I was 14? I was a happy doodle!)




I made my friend Veronica love Andrew WK in 7th grade :3



Fun fact: I saw Marilyn Manson live with Kurre and a ton of other friends :D
He's an amazing entertainer <--- I always found it funny to hear what christians thought of him lololol













another fun fact: I saw these fuckers live too. Epic <--







Many memories to all these songs :)

Alright, time to do the nightfall again 💪😀

baby

Lili had little babies!

Itty bitty kitty babies!

well duh, I think we can all agree that kittens are adorable.

I'm not a cat person, but that doesn't stop cats from snuggling the shit out me. 😐

Buuut kittens...Oouuuhh...aaaw..I'm totally a kitten person. 

I'm an aaaaall animalbabies kind of person lol 

The sad part is that one little doodle died after 6 days.

And I was wondering how to make my friend feel better...Her bottlebaby died the other night.

But I suppose nothing can make one feel better at time like these.

You just gotta grieve and be sad.

It's normal to be sad, hey..I'm still sad over LeiLei. I still miss her so much...

So naturally she would miss the little baby that she bottlefed herself.

tbh, there's nothing she could've done to prevent it from happening.

It was the runt of the litter, but she kept her alive for almost a week 💜

Love got her that far. So that's kinda sweet.

She still has 5 others to keep an eye on. 

It was a surprisingly large litter for a ragdoll. And Lili did great 💖 

I just hope she's not too hard on herself now, momma cat will care for her babies so I hope that she at least gets some sleep for once.

She barely slept when she took care of the wee one. She had to feed her every 3 hours 24/7...

so...yeah. I should make her a nice cup of coffee later. ☕☕

I just wanted to say that I think she's an amazing person :) She's an awesome crazy cat lady 💚

snores

Goooooood morning  (well I suppose it's almost lunch time now?)

Man, the entire family has been sleeping a lot lately. Not enough if you ask me though lmao I'm just sleepy all the time. For reals, I could seriously fall asleep right now while typing this. 

I've actually fallen asleep like twice already while writing hahaha 

Moving on, yes... I'll get my migraines checked so don't worry. For once I'll do as I'm told.  When is another question though haha 

Anyhoooo... I'm baking bread today.

 All kinds of bread with all kinds of flour. Yum!

I made scones too. Freya enjoyed eating freshly baked bread for breakfast. 

Then again, most people probably likes warm bread straight from the oven right? Warm loafs of bread with the butter meting on it too...yeah. Frost certainly loved it haha Who doesn't?

I also made blueberry and blackberry pie the other day, and chocolate chip cookies. According to Frost they were waaay better than subways 😆

I'm so happy right now. Autumn is here, it's getting colder and colder, Nathalies granny knitted the cutest cardigan with reindeers on it for Freya, alongside with an adorable winder hat too. So cute~ 

We've been going on longer walks lately, Freyster likes it. It was nice walking with my sister too. Freya and her are very cute together, and she loves Doris you know? 

Good God, I'm not kidding when I'm saying that I've fallen asleep 5 times while writing all this now... I'm just gonna go take a nap. How bout that? Yeah. 

oh and also, I made a fuckton of chili the other day. We have sooo many lunchboxes now. 😂

Ieeet was however delicious, so we're happy :) (seriously though, that's one hell of a huge pot huh?)

Tuesdays again

I knooooow, I rarely blog these days. 

But it's cause I do other things I suppose. 

Prepare yourself cause this will be a VERY long post. 

I know I write and talk a ton whenever I get a weird reaction to my meds. So bear with me.

(don't worry, I'm not high. You can't get high on these neuro...thingy.. pills)

Sooooooo (drumroll)  I also had my first meeting with my psychologist last week. Waah! Cool huh? I never thought that I'd ever go talk to a shrink. But it's part of my EDS treatment too. I had to agree to it alongside of seeing a whole lot of other doctors too. She was one of the 7 people I have to see about my treatment. The whole point is to learn how to manage my pain, cause they worry that too much pain can make a person suicidal. (and I totally see why too) but it's also to keep my mentality at an even level or something? So she said the goal is to have a calm mind and just learning how to handle it mentally when I'm hurting physically. So dealing with the past is one of the steps of getting a calm inner self and shit...Sounded smarter when Marty said it  

Anyway, it was a well over 2 hour meeting. And it was pretty good. (I was fucking exhausted afterwards) She found a lot of stuff that I had locked away. Things I knew about, but hadn't put a name on. And after some time she said that I had a "rough" childhood, which I don't really agrre on... Me and my sister are like day and night. We also don't have the same childhood. She experienced one thing, and I another. She doesn't remember things that I remember and vice versa. According to the psychologist that's completely normal though. We just have different views. Plus I always felt that my dad loved her but not me. (it sounds lame and she doesn't see it that way but try telling a child how to feel)

Miss Shrink was very fascinated with my "way of thinking."  A unique mind so to speak. -_-  At first I don't really like the sound of that. (but I'm getting to that soon)

And how I kept my way of thinking from when I was a child to now. I still have my beliefs morals and my standards. She called it "abstract thinking". (I know, it doesn't sound good right?) She asked me about how my school years were, so I was honest and said that I became the outcast pretty fucking quick lol She obviously asked why. Liiiike they always do ahaha 😆

I told her that they always called me eerie, strange..(weirdo), and that they said my opinions (and I quote) weren't normal, and I was fucking weird too. lol  I didn't look like they did either, cause I refused to dress like they did. I'd rather die than wear those white see through pants with black thongs underneath it. God damn it that was awful..Fashion changed fast back then, and those girls always tried sooo hard to keep up with it. I always thought they were lame AF. (I had Onka though, my only friend. And we stuck together like glue haha)

I wore my torn jeans, my leather jacket that mom used to wear in the 70's, and I proudly liked my music, and I just refused to change. (now that's actually one part of me that I can say I'm proud of. It's not the easiest thing to find things you like about yourself and so on right?..) 

Back then big eyebrows was considered ugly...lmao funny huh? So obviously mine were hideous in their eyes 😁 And I refused to shave mine ahaha Those bitches actually shaved their eyebrows ahahaha. SHAVED THEM! lolololol

Mom said that I was unique and that she liked that I dressed however I wanted to dress, not how everyone else did, so I had that going for me. 💛

And you know, that mattered a lot. Having a mom who supported you I mean, I told the shrink that mom would even call the school sometimes, and let me stay home so I didn't have to go to field trips and and all that lame shit with the school. -_- Ugh... Thank god for that. I hated my class, so just imagine spending 48 hours on a filed trip with those cunts. Abominable.

But I think I know the exact moment I became an outcast though.👈 

We were thirteen, and all of the girls were changing in the locker room. And one of the "cool girls"  were talking about her boyfriend and how he was so nice to her, and he was sweet when they had sex and stuff.... He was 2fucking3 years old. 23. 😨  Motherfucking eeeew... I kinda saw it as pedophilia.  (but apparently other girls my age didn't see it that way)

Aaaaaall the girls were fawning over him saying that he was so cool and how romantic it was blah blah blaaaah... And I said 'Don't you think it's weird that he's with a kid and not with someone his own age?' while I got dressed.

And before I noticed their looks I kinda chuckled a little and said to myself with a semi low voice 'Ah... maybe it's cause a grown woman can think on her own lolololol' and I thought I was so funny too, cause I made a joke to myself h😆

And when I turned around, the hatred and disgust in their eyes was soooo fucking intense lol maaaan, if looks could kill.

Yeah, that's the moment I became the school's biggest outcast. 

Yeah then we went through school life, work life, adult life and so on and so on...so much talking...Private stuff, but she also pointed out that I learnt at an early age to shut down my emotions. Like an on/off button. According to her it made life easier for me. 

 She asked me more about certain subjects, and if it was easy for me to learn languages. So I said yeeeeeees, since I can learn a language completely almost in 3 months. IF I'm motivated. (which I rarely am) And then she asked me about friends. If I'm capable of talking about my EDS, and if I get support and so on. So we talked about my precious fucksticks lol jk jk. Well we came to the conclusion that I'm very lucky 💜 (but I already knew that though haha)

And then she asked me if I've considered studying and junk, maybe learning new languages too, she asked about my art and she brought up my "unique mind" again. (ok....so in my head, "unique mind" doesn't necessarily mean something good. It can actually be a bad thing too right?) So I sat there and just listened to her. 

And then she said:

 "Have you ever been told that you might have quite a high IQ? 
Because you show signs and traits of having a very high IQ." 

And that was so not what I expected her to say hahahaha And immediately I remembered how I was called an idiot back in the day because I did things differently or thought differently etc. 

How dad would call me an dumbass 😒 So much love right there yeah.

 "Why no. No I haven't. That has never crossed my mind before, nor anybody else's. Cause I'm terrible at math". lol  She told me that math has nothing to do with it, and that she would like it if I looked into it. I did not see that meeting taking this kind of turn.
And I agreed on looking further into that next time. 

Now I didn't tell her this, but me and friend are going to study together till spring :D (plan is to go to university together, a certain program that we really wanna go to) And Marty will help me with math till then. Also, I got an earful when I told Marty about what the shrink told me about the IQ -_- "Idiot, I knew that. How could you not have noticed that you have an extremely high IQ?! I noticed it years ago already." lmao well I'm sorry, your'e truly a great mastermind for noticing this years ago you genius turd -_-(Ah Marty actually is a genius btw) Well, let's see what spring has in store for us. It's a few months left so to speak so we do have time to study and have fun :D

My new meds are making me sooo sleepy. Nonstop. Amitrypline makes me feel like a zombie.

Good grief............ I wrote a fucking novel. 

Well, they do their job though. I don't cramp as much at night. But my body hasn't really gotten used to them yet. So I feel like a walking corpse....all that's missing is the drool lmao

Well it's alright. Who cares that I wrote a ton. You don't have to read it do you? 

Plus, I did find the things she said to be interesting.

There is however oooone thing that I'm having mixed feelings about.

Me having "a very high IQ". I mean woooooh that's awesome of course... Sure.... BUT, what good would that do me? A 31 year old mom. It's a little late don't think?

Ah, I still wanna study the things I'm interested in obviously :)

But I wish someone would've told me in my teens that I had high IQ instead. Maybe things would've been different then.Maybe I would've done more.

Instead I let a teacher ruin everything. He literally ruined my school life completely. He was the reason I stopped doing things. He's the reason I stopped asking if I didn't understand something, Olle that fucker, made me not try anymore. I kinda just gave up and figured that why try if I'm too stupid anyway? If he hadn't done what he did... then things would've definitely been different.

So if I had been told that I had in fact high IQ, then I probably would've believed in myself a little more and questioned that asshole.

Yeah, maybe the 14 year old me would've been even more awesome then ;) haha

But oh well, useless thoughts for the past.