I've been sorta active

I feel like I've been kinda active this week, for being me that is haha
I mean, let's face it....we all know I'm a lazy fucker that enjoys being a couch potato playing video games and shit. 🙄 (Not just cause I'm lazy though...sometimes the pain is stronger that my will to go out tbh) 

But I do love going outside and having fun with Freya. And that's what I've done.

Plus I've been out with mom & Josse, we got new shoes for moi too.

So now I've got solid winter boots. Sweet 👌🏻✨

I like 'em...they're easy to walk in, they're pretty AND they're warm 👌🏻

Even managed to enjoy an incredibly tasty vanilla latte with them too 💖

Occasionally I've gone on late night walks with Josse too 😊 I like those walks. Yep.

Alright, I guess I really do need to go to bed now. I've had issues sleeping lately so... I end up staying up late. (I did get stuck playing on the switch.....Pokemon let's go is fucking addicting 🙄)

But I did clean the kitchen, did the dishes and all that shit. Even cleaned the make-up brushes I got from Freya this Christmas. My amazingly talented little sister said that I'd be happy if I got them. Aaaand she was right. I love them. 🖤

Tonight, Freyster laid in HER bed, in HER room 😲 she's been having problems sleeping in her room, or even sleeping alone...so she's slept with us in our bed every night. But tonight, we talked...and I said wedw lay with her till she fell asleep...and when she wakes up she can just come to our room and snuggle.

It doesn't matter, if she's scared it's only natural that we want her to come to us 🖤 We're supposed to give her support and be her safe place 💖
Before she went to sleep though, she started crying...and I don't mean the usual tears that comes from a kid when they're sad. Nah, these were HEARTBREAK tears...the sound of her sobbing even made my heart ache 💔 And I wondered what on Earth made her so devestated.... what could make a 4 year old cry like that? Like her heart was shattered... I tried comforting her and hugged her and shut but she just kept crying and sobbing... eventually I managed to make her explain though.
So she cried and said "one day you'll die." Well damn. I did not expect this.

"I don't want you to die... I want to be with you forever mom... you can't die".... Aaaaw shit....And my heart just fucking exploded 😅💔 haha, I almost started crying myself. 😅 How do you explain it all, without making it worse to a 4 year old. YOU DON'T.
I tried at first, but that just made it worse..."mommy won't die yet. I'll be an old grandma by the time I croak". Aaaaaand the years started again. 🙄 So no. You DONT tell your child that you'll die one day. But you don't tell them that you WON'T die either. I said that it's something we'll go into more detail later... and I told her that I'll always be with her. Even if she can't see me...I'm still with her. And she accepted that, and hugged me so hard. D'aaaaw....moments like these makes my heart overflow with love. 💖💖💖

It IS a sad thing to think about though... I get sad just thinking about having to leave her one day 😭 Even the fact that my own mom will die one day makes me so sad. 💔
I think I was Freya's age when I realized that my own mom would die one day...it's so scary and sad to realize that when you're a child. And it's still a scary sad thought...

Anyway, time to sleep.