Me!

Oh and look. It's me.
Apparently I don't show my face lately.
And it's not a certain reason for it really. I just haven't haha
So look. Still me writing this bullshit.

Still you reading it. lol


Now, I shall continue with my Buffy marathon. Last season left now.

Emotions all over the place

This is so uncomfortable for me... When my emotions run wild like this. Up and down.

I'm sitting here, crying my freakin' eyes out D':

Willow lost her Tara... And she turned into a black witch. And now she's just crying and crying cause if she wants the love of her life back but she can't cause Tara died!!! OMG my hormones.... My eyes! My tears!
OMG. Poor willow... :(

Well, let's talk about something else...
So I was at "work" today. It was only two hours really. But I must say, what a nice feeling it is to work with someone who really fucking likes you :) Best employer in the worlds.

We had fun. ^_^

And also, Frost went to Atlanta Georgia today. To the Swedish consulate! :3 WOHO!

One step closer <3


Dear lord I love that man. And I'll continue to love him even in the afterlife. <3
I can't wait till he's back.

Anyway, I feel kinda shitty right now. So I'll rest and watch Buffy. Yep.
Poor Spike.

Truth

So, I'm sitting on the couch watching the dog whisperer at Josse and Robins place. Just had coffee ^_^

Me and mom were at the clinic earlier, everything looks good. Proceeding like planned. So many thoughts...

Oh right, I saw this picture haha and it reminded me of my current boss. lol So funny.

Quite the awkward moment.....
*squeeeeeze* haha
Welp, he a very huggy person I suppose.

Remember the 90's

Oh my god... Remember these awesome things?!
I had a Polly Pocket once.. And I loved it.
The only things I didn't want back ten was a Furbie, and a tamagotchi and Pokemon bullshit. Hah.

Oh and btw, smarties STILL fucking rock! :D yum!

Aaaws I miss the 90's sometimes lol
Someday, someone's gonna say 'aaaaws I miss the 20's'

I bet our kids will be like that :)

So anyway, I'm watching Buffy and having a little night snack. Yum. Hit chocolate and sandwiches. Nom nom.

Epic Tuesday?

Frost applied for a Swedish residence permit yesterday :) And I did my part today.

There's an entire fuckoload of question they have. Like questions a normal person don't know. Of course I had to ask Frost. I don't keep an eye on WHEN his sister/dad/mom was born. Gosh...

Oh and on Saturday I'm of to meet a nice little lass about me working for her. It'll be nice. Hopeful I'll earn enough out of being a temp there and then work at the other place I got :)

I'm gonna try and sleep early today.
I've got an early breakfast.

My head's been pounding all day.
It sucks. But I took a super freakin' hot bath at moms place earlier. So hot it actually made me really dizzy.

I feel weird today.
I miss Frost...


I need to get some shit done tomorrow... Reality always catches up. Just like Mike Myers.

Friday fun

So today we had a nice big breakfast at moms place :) me, Robin and Josse and mom.
And the dogs haha

I made American pancakes, we had maple syrup, round bread, eggs and juice. It was a very pleasant morning.

Lately I've been feeling a little crappy.
But it's for a good cause, or whatever they say haha
One of my bosses called me today, he called to let me know that I can't start working just yet. They're still not quite done with the schedules and the customers.
But oh well, I shouldn't complain.
I got hired without a resumé.. No references or anything. Just my personality and junk. So I should be pretty thankful.
Nowadays every week is a new step. Every week has a big meaning to.
I'm happy and excited.
And I hope that my man can come back fast. But I'll have to be patient <3

Sooooo anyway, I've been watching 4 seasons of Sons Of Anarchy now in three days. Maybe I've been watching a little too much? But I've been kinda saucy and sluggish in my head lately. I don't sleep very well. I lay awake feeling sick or thinking thoughts. Planning stuff.

Things that should be thought during the day hahaha!

Sofia dropped by today. :)
That was nice. We had coffee and talked a bunch. Talked about our men, our lives and our future and dreams :)
Only one way to look at now.
And that's ahead. ^_^

Waffles!

And homemade blueberry jam! :D
I was hoping for this to happen... And mom decided to make waffles! WOHO!

Thought at night

I'm sitting here, pondering about stuff.
It amazes me how difficult it is for me to let go of some things... It so hard for me to stop thinking about all the shit I went through at my old job. It makes me weak. Makes me question myself from time to time.

All the lies they said about me...
The fact that I was an outcast since day one. People talking about me behind my back...

For an entire year I put up with this bullshit, thinking that if I stayed strong, did my work well and smiled everything would be ok in the end.

It didn't.

To be told that I'm hated by everyone. And that I didn't don't job right.

It affected me really bad...

And now I'm seriously terrified of having a net job, starting over.

Being new.

What if I'm hated again?

I have no references anymore.
It all vanished.


Three months ago I was popular with the boss. And now suddenly this? I don't understand...

I couldn't believe that anyone would be such and asshole telling such horrible lies.

I'm stupid.

And I feel like I can't trust people...
No one.

I'm afraid to work. Is that silly?

I lay awake at night thinking about this.

Will I ever be able to move on?
Stop worrying?

Can I ever stop thinking that I'm the problem? That it's my fault?
Do I have such a weird personality that I was hated from day one?

I ever tried to be the quiet type instead of my normal talkative me.

Nothing I did worked...

Welp... It's confusing, like that "translator". Haha

That's how much sense everything makes to me right now.

Apologies

Gosh, I know I haven't blogged much lately. But it really ain't fun when you don't even have a computer anymore. :( It's hard too.

But anyway. I'm making another post today just cause I'm nice. Pssshhhh haha

I just brewed myself a cup of strong coffee. Oh my, I really needed that.
I've had a nasty headache today.

But I'm still having a sons of anarchy marathon :D So that's fun!

But the coffee made me think of the coffee starbucks made at ATL..
Aaah... Which automatically made me miss Alabama instead. Cause I had fun at Atlanta, cause I was going to Alabama <3 to see my babe!

Food

So I'm eating myself out of the house.
I nibble on things all the time. Especially green apples.
But yesterday, ooooh yesterday I made a delicious salmon sauce with pasta. It was sooooo good!

Ah happy Jo!

And today I'm sitting here, watching sons of anarchy munchkin apples and scrambled eggs. Noooom.

Life is standing still at the moment. And at the same time it's just passing by fast. Moving forward without me even noticing it. Haha

Aaah I wanted to be alone today and so I will! :)

I don't actually feel like doing shit... I'm in a paralyzed state I guess. I'm always bored.
But I do my best at staying busy :)
Don't get me wrong. I'm extremely happy :3 Like, how can I not be?!

But sometimes I just miss Frost an extra lot... And I get really bored without that dork.

And now I shall watch something funny that Frost wanted me to see on YouTube.