Breakfast

Mmmm.... I made chocolate chia pudding with bananas and whipped cream as topping. I made it yesterday in the afternoon so it'd get thick and fluffy :) yum yum. It's really delicious. An healthy. *proud*

Good morning peeps

I'm having a good morning. Besides the fact that I burned the shit out of my fucking hand..... ouch. I kept burning it on my hot coffee for about 10 while minutes. -_- idiot.

But yeah, it's still been a good morning. I hope Freya and Frost are ok today.. they both don't feel good. Freya spent the entire night crying and screaming out of pain. It breaks my heart when she's that hysterical and in pain and I can't do shit about it. :( My poor baby...

She finally fell asleep around 4. And she only wanted mama lat night. My little doodlepuff. Frost is feeling crappy too so I'm hoping maybe there's a stupid stomach bug going around? And I hope it'll pass soon.

Well, I'm off to work.

Best morning

So, the morning started with me and Frost doing our regular morning routines, getting ready, fixing Freya etc... and then we both dropped her off at daycare. She didn't even cry one bit today. That's nice, it make it easier for my heart. It seriously breaks a mom's heart to hear your child cry like that when you have to go. Gaah..it's the worst.

So this was a nice happy Bye :D

After that Frost and I walked to the store, I bought a banana and a Loka, he bought himself a drinkydrink too and skittles. LOL
And then we walked to the trainstation together. :) See, we never get to do this cause I'm always so stressed in the morning. But now it's the summer schedule so I start work at 08:45 instead and that's fucking awesome!

I missed the bus though but that was ok, I made it with the other one.
It was like me and Frost had a little mini-date early in the morning.

I loved it :)

We just sat there, and talked and stuff. And we decided that we should do this more often.
Just small stuff like this can matter so much.

It was a smelly and warm busride. But it got better after a while, I just needed more space.

But seriously... I look around at all the people (me and Frost discussed people earlier) are the same. They're striving to be the same as the next one. Looking the same, dressing the same. FEELING the same. Eating the same, liking the same shit. There's no characters really. What's funny is that everyone's going for the "be unique, be different" style that is exactly like everyone else hahaha

And a good friend of mine said that it might be because I usually don't care about such things, and I'm my own person, that some people just don't go well with me. Could be.

I'm more like "just be. Do shit you like, be and idiot, and be kind every now and then."

I like  my motto better haha

I'm a lavender in a field of roses. :)

And here's my breakfast :D
It's perfect isn't it? :)

My diet is going better now. I was feeling a little low for a while, but I found new motivation again.
Yay me!

Welp, it's time to continue working I guess. Laundry, laundry... -__-
My mom's gonna pick Freya up at daycare now. I hope she had a good day <3
And Frost's meeting is about to start! Oooooh. Good luck honey <3

Mechanic meets car

So Frost helped my brother with his Honda yesterday. And Sofia actually dropped by for coffee in between her shifts. It's been a while so it was necessary lol It makes me happy that she's doing so great. I'm so proud actually :D

Gosh, I'm pooped. I'm so freakin' exhausted. Why? I honestly have no clue why I'm so tired. I obviously don't do good with heat, so that might be a reason... and my medicine might be one too. It's like there's no amount of sleep that can save meeeeeeeeee......

The other day

Well, I suppose the picture tells the story pretty much.

We decided to just have some fun in the sun while I had a day off :)

Good morning world

I made Freya like the tastiest breakfast ever. Yep. *Proud face*

Fresh strawberries, vanilla yogurt and gluten free fruit granola :)

I've slept a few hours last night actually. Yay me! I really needed that. Can't function properly without sleep. Nope.

Well I can tell you that even though Freya ate a really huge breakfast.. she's still trying (and pretty much succeeding) to eat mine now too. She a glutinous little turd. Yeah she's definitely succeeding eating mine. -_-
My lchf crackers with butter and cheese... and my strawberry. :(

Mean little kid. Eating mommy's breakfast like that. She even tried to drink my damn coffee.
She's got a huge appetite, despite being so tiny. haha

Shit about EDS

Alrighty then... let's talk about something I've avoided to think about for some time now.
(this is a post mainly for me actually, to keep track of shit)

So, my EDS had gradually gotten worse. It's more aggressive now than it was before. It... "grows" faster than it used to.

My knees got inflamed actually. But I had to figure that out myself because doctors can't -_-
Everything that hurts, everything that goes wrong...all of it, I have to figure out for myself.
There's no doctor there to have my back. To keep my spirits high and give me hope when shit looks dark. There's no doctor taking tests, checking how I feel or trying to figure out what's wrong.

And there never will be.


Cause here's in sweden, EDS is still a rather "unknown" disease.


Recently my knees have gotten in real bad shape. So bad that I have to start thinking about alternative things. Like braces. Braces for my joints in general really.

Like fingers, knees and wrists... I've already decided to buy a waist trainer so my waist will have a constant support. It won't weaken the muscles like the doctors always say. Cause a waist trainer unlike a corset will actually force the muscles in my abdomen to work out. It sounds great in theory anyway.

Knee braces on the other hand....................... expensive. As fuck. Not something I can just pull out of my ass and use so everything will be good. Nope. Gotta save up for those. And save up a lot.
I can, through a doctor get referred to the orthopedics and get knee braces there custom made for my knees, which will save me a whole fuckton of money. So that's the option I'm going with right now.
Buuuuuuuuuuuuut, it takes time. Obviously.

My fingers are good for now. But in the future I will need something like this:

Yeah... the finger braces would cost thousands of dollars. So I won't be getting those anytime soon.
They're ridiculously expensive even though they're technically just a bunch of rings. Which leads me to think I could make these myself (or have someone else make them for me) But I think I've mentioned this before.

SOmething else that getting worse with the disease is my memory. My memory is getting pretty crappy. I remember things I've forced myself to remember by instinct. Routines and natural things. But tell me to go get you something, I'll come back nomming on a cookie having no clue why you're looking at me like I'm a dick. I manage to survive though. I pretend to be an idiot so people will get off my back about shit that I don't have the energy to deal with.

At work I pretend to be lazy, so I don't have to admit that I haven't done certain things because I'm in pain. Cause I'm so scared that one day I won't be needed anymore.... because they'll be afraid that I'm going to be in too much pain. I don't need pity all the fucking time. It makes me feel worse than I normally do.

My speech and vision.... well, that's affected by how tired I am. Like most people I guess lol
But I'm getting very VERY tired these days. Literally can't keep my eyes open. It's extremely irritating and annoying.


Good things... well, I think I've managed to change at least a small part of the positions that I sleep in. I think. I don't bend my wrist backwards anymore (I'm not entirely sure though, but I haven't caught myself doing that recently anyway) so that's good.

Unfortunately I always wake up like 10 times every night due to changing my sleeping position. It's painful once the body tries to relax so it forces me to wake up every time I get relaxed.

I guess that's still one of my biggest issues. The fact that every time I try to relax, I tense up and almost stop breathing. It's like my body get's such a shock from the pain when I try to relax that it get's so scared of relaxing that it forces me to stay alert. Even when I'm exhausted.

I've woken myself up sooooo many times cause of pain so you have no idea.

But, I'm still stuck on the same kinds of "valium" (different brand) though I would've prefered a stronger dose.

Fun fact: If you suffer from EDS, your more resistant to drugs.
Painkillers and benzo's don't hit me as hard as normal people. I almost have to abuse the shit out of it in order to force my body to relax so i finally get to sleep at least a few hours straight. Unfortunately I can only do that every once in a while. Quite rarely in other words -__- I only do it when my body and mind are so sleep deprived that they need it in order for me to not go insane or make me be angry and mean all the time.

I can get very angry and frustrated because of EDS. This is not how I used to be. It's still... a scary new side of me that I don't get along with.


But if I get enough sleep combined with painkillers, then it can be managed.


And now it's time for my benzo's and oxy's and say good night. Let's hope for at least a 3-4 hour night. *hope hope hope hope*

I'm on a higher depot dose of oxy's now so we'll see if they do the job. I doubt it though. The dose ainät high enough. But I'll play along if it makes the doc happy I guess, For now.


Luckily my handsome studmuffin gives me my medicine every morning so I can get up and get on with my life.

It's been a good day huh?

Has it been a good day for you guys too?

Well I don't really think I need to write that much really. The pics kinda speak for themselves. It's been a fun day  But then again, why not write a longer post huh?

So, we've been to the park today, Freya went down the big slide all by herself today for the first time. THE BIG ONE! Much mighty. Such cool, so wow.

(She's superAdorable in her new sunhat right? She got it from granny & grandpa)

Freya has been eating a lot of strawberries today. She LOVES strawberries. :) My little snugglerump <3 Hot days like these I like to put some frozen raspberries and cold water in her sippy cup. Perfect on a hot day. :)

Ah right, after the park I had fika out back with mom and Josse. Freya passed out and had her early noon nap in her room in front of the fan. Much to my mom's disappointment. But she was so tired from playing for so long in the park haha, plus it's mega fucking warm outside today *miserable* Oh, and I talked some to Sofia on the phone too....and also played CoD online with Nathalie & Frost haha 

Frost's been helping me set my new phone up. Motorola :3 It actually works. Soooo much storage, I can have all my aaaaaapps haha Frost is a genius. 

Freya definitely had fun today. She's been laughing and smiling aaaaaall day. We've also had time to snuggle, play, talk and watch stuff.

Yep, the days off work are the days I work so extra hard for. 

Freya's growing so freakin' fast... it's a little sad almost haha I mean, She's so cute. And snuggly. OOoooooooh I love snuggling her, cause it feels like it's perfect. Absolute warm sweet loving perfection. Haha  
And see, one day she'll grow up.... and she won't want her mama's hugs,  snuggles and kisses anymore.   I can't hold my baby girl while she's sleeping then... she won't wrap her little arms around my neck while she's sleeåing again, or snuggle up against my back. No more kisses on the mouth.... How do other parents handle kids growing up?

And I'm pretty fucking sure I won't wanna snuggle an angry 16 year old either lmao

But yeah... I try to so snuggle her as much as possible for as long as possible  Gotta enjoy the now. There's no use worrying too much about the future. My Freyster will give me many more snuggles for many years to come anyway :D
Frost on the other hand, weeeeeell, now that's premium snuggles I get to enjoy every night  teheeee~

Talking about snuggles, Freya snuggled LeiLei quite a bit earlier. It was adorable to see haha she kept hugging her and kissing her. And leilei just stood there, it looked almost like she enjoyed it-  haha LeiLei's a very sweet and loyal dog. A lot of dogowners would probably call me an idiot for saying this, but I feel completely safe leaving those two together in a room. I trust LeiLei. It's Freya you gotta be careful with lol

psshh

It's been a good day. I've been having problems with the ligaments in my knees and stuff...  But they're slowly getting better. I'm eating anti-inflammatory  shit so it'll get better. Yep yep.

Freya had a really nice day too. She's been playing around in the park, eating strawberries and stuff. I say it all the time and I'll say it again. SHE SO DAMN CUTE!!!! haha

We went to see mom earlier too, I brought fika, and Freya brought the giggles :)  We sat outside and drank coffee and talked. Yep. It was a nice fika indeed.

It's been a rough couple of days now... Hopefully things will get better soon.

It sucks being in pain like this. Buuuuut I've been remitted to a pain clinic. There arenät many of them in sweden apparently... but I'm being referred to one so that's neat right? It's always something.

Well, it's been an eventful evening.  But it's time for dinner now. Yum yum.

Happy mothers day

I got  sweet little praline box this morning before work. And a cute card that Freya obviously doodled in haha

It's like super tiny pralines, so cute. haha

That was a nice thing. I also got roses last night, that smells awesome.

I love my doodles <3