pressure

well good day to you ^^
I've slept like a pig, and I needed it.

Unfortunately, my back is starting to hurt again. It always does this whenever I'm home from work for a while. My back needs to work. Simple as that. Last time, I couldn't ever breathe because of the pain...the muscles started cramping and I froze in the middle of the hallway. Couldn't move an inch. Eventually my mom had to come over and help. -___- this is all because I don't know how to relax my body.

Surprising I know, since I'm such a lazy fuck.
But there's a difference with being able to laze around, and being able to relax. I cannot relax. Even if I try. And I have tried. I swear I have.

And now it's back again :(

bah, I'm getting tired as well...
I feeling pressured lately... pressured to talk to everyone. No one cares if I wish to be alone.
Sometimes, I just want to be left alone you know? I can't even remember whens the last time I watched a movie on my own, lying down on the couch and just enjoying being ALONE. Just trying to relax and just BE. I need it. SO so badly right now.

I'm just human, a beast... but still human. I will not always be there for you. No one can always be there for you.

What will you do if I die?

Who will help you then?

Who will entertain you then?

who will you complain to then?


You all need to grow stronger on your own, learn to have fun on your own, cause if I die one day...... you'll stand there completely lost. :(


And I will die someday.




So, I'm thinking that I should pick a day of the week, when I have my own day completely. Hmm? That sounds clever right? Cause right now I need to gather all my energy again cause I feel drained.


So, now I'm off to a walk in the sunshine with Lei Lei, recharging me energy :D