I was in a really good mood when I woke up... plus, the last thing I saw last nigh was Frost laughing :) I woke up early but fell back asleep for another hour.
Still, mood was great.
And then, my brother opened his mouth. And within a few seconds I was already at my limit. And I suddenly snapped and hissed 'Your'e such a giant fn asshole.' And then I stomped out of there. I went ROAR. But since we live together there's really no where for me to go hide so I'm going over to moms house for lunch soon. haha.
I just got so freakin' angry at his dumbass comments. It's like he neeeeeeds to put me down all the time. He NEEDS to try and make me feel like an idiot. Nothing I do is ever good enough. whatever I do I'm stupid and worthless. And it feels like he thinks that I don't deserve to be happy with Frost sometimes. Just cause his life is shitty as hell, he's got himself a nutcase for a girlfriend that belongs in the loony bin. And he can't rejoice the fact that I'm happy no matter if I'm rich or poor.
I know I'm good at what I do, I know my job, I know I have good values and morals, I know I take good care of those I love and I know that I'm goofy, I like to laugh, I focus a lot on my boyfriend (and the only one who seems to have a problem with that is my brother) And Lei Lei is like my baby, and I talk a lot... and a lot with myself and Lei Lei -_-...I know I can be a bit weird sometimes...But I'm not an idiot.
Hearing this day in an day out, how stupid and retarded I am... Sometimes it's almost as if I start to believe him.
So what if my personality is a bit different from most people? I doesn't make me any less smarter than him. Tbh, I'm quite certain that my IQ (however low it may be) is waaaay higher than his.
Well, my mood isn't ruined yet anyway. Just when it comes to him. I can't look him in the face cause it sorta makes me wanna put my fist right there, in the middle of it. And watch my fist sink in... and we can't do that can we? That's a crime. So I'll just sit here and fantasize about him getting a weird STD, getting diarrhea ...going bald.. Noooo, no..even better. I wish he'd have to spend a lot of time with his girlfriend. THAT is the biggest punishment he could get. I wish he HAS to be with her the entire week, day and night. He'll be climbing the walls and trying to chew his fist off after a few hours with her.
Anyone would.
Just her mere presence makes me wanna slam my head against the wall.
So, my dear brother. I wiiiiish you had to be with your girlfriend.
Ok, I'm all happy now. Time to go since I had a rant haha
Plus, Emma is sitting on my bed smiling which makes me smile too.
That's how he gets energy from you. Don't let him do it. You are fucking awesome and you've accomplished so much, even in the short time I've known you you've done so much, not to mention what you'd done before I met you. Don't let him take your energy. Just because he feels like he'll never rise to a higher level and he feels insecure enough to try to take you down, doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Shield yourself from his bullshit and remember that you're too good to go down to his pathetic frequency. If he knew what love was, he'd be happy for you and not try to take you down. That's why his life sucks balls; he doesn't know what love is, and it's not your job to "teach" him or anyone else (what they consider teaching, anyway). I love you.
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