I feel loved

Despite me being such a derp I feel loved.

Now me flippin' out like that doesn't happen very often. But sometimes the cup is just too full... and I explode.

So, needless to say I did have a shitty day. But it's ended pretty nicely.
Frost is the very best of the best. :) That is true. And he's pretty amazing to be able to calm me down like that without even being near me. I am not easy to calm down normally. Cause when I flip out and ragequit like that... no one can stop me really. It never happens either... like... it's been years since I went on a rampage like this. Sad and angry as fuck. Hmm...

I calmed down thanks to mum holding my hand. And Frost saying sweet things. Funnily enough sweet things has never worked on me before but it does now. Only seems to work with him though, I noticed that earlier today. haha Someone tried to say sweet things to me, to make me calm down and cheer me up a bit... yea..no. NO. It didn't work. Almost made things worse haha So Frost, I do hope you realise how special you are.


Now I've seen 3 movies in a row...... all of 'em were horror flicks. None of them were good really. -_- But it was the company that I enjoyed. :)

Soooo.... today I got like 30 declines for jobs and educations. It's impossible for me to get a job now because of me working TOO MUCH in the commune. Yeah, you CAN work too much. And it's not appreciated. So... yeah. I'm stuck where I am.

Money...doesn't grow on trees. True. hah... well, in worst case scenario (cause today is not the worst case scenario, things could be way way waaaay crappier) I'll just have to lower myself and do the kind of jobs I swore to never do again. Simple as that. If that means food and medication for Lei Lei than I'll fucking do it again. It'll suck yeah but I'll survive.

For now..... I'll just let things be. I need to think.
The government says I have to apply for jobs ALL over the country. This includes that far off villages in Norrland. Waaaaaaaaaaay up north in no-man's-land. Cold as fuck and dark and lonely. aaahaha yeah definitely NOT. I ain't doing that.

Uhm....
Today was not one of my brightest moments.
I'm a little ashamed for being like that. I usually never let anyone know when I feel like that either. So this is like me admitting I'm WEAK once in a while. And I do NOT like to admit that. Normally I'd just swallow it and hide. But that was because in a way I've always been feeling alone, if that makes any sense at all? I mean... you can have hundreds around you and still feel alone. As I have.

And now I don't feel alone anymore.
You see, I have a tree. A cute tree I can climb. Not everyone has such a great tree as I do. hah.

I'll just do my best at being a very awesome koala that climbs her tree and takes good care of it :D Good plan huh? Yeah I know. I'm smart like that.




I will solve my financial shit, and I will find a job eventually... And I'll start taking better care of myself as well. I'll try anyway. Yep. It's ok.

It's ridiculous how fine I feel now -___- lol
Because of a tree.