Friday, May 20, 2016

Early morning

It's 5am(ish) right now. I've been awake for a few hours. I'm super tired but I just can't seem to relax. πŸ˜• Bummer. Plus Freya woke up around 3 screaming her lungs out. She was in such a panic mode. Poor baby. I have no idea why she was like this but she kept on waking up next to me crying and screaming. At one point she even woke up clawing me.
I finally got her back in her bed though 😊
I've noticed that recently my fatigue has gotten worse. Sometimes I can't even see straight. I see double and blurry and I have no choice but to close my eyes since I probably look cross-eyed when it happens...  some people ask why I get so tired.

Let me tell you, always being "on guard", scared of relaxing too much and stuff... that really drains you. Seriously.  I have to focus hard all time on my tensions and shit,keeping my body going. Staying tense so it won't fall apart. It makes you more tired than you think....
So for people who wonder why I'm so tired all the time.  It ain't cause I'm lazy.

My memory is greatly affected by it too.

On the bright side though, I was reminded of how much I wanna move from here. I just killed like 8 FAT fucking silverfishes!! 😨 Nasty fuckers. Gueh...

Aaaah it also looks like I won't be able to keep this phone. I ain't even sure this email will be sent to my blog since my phone says there's no storage left even to send a fucking email πŸ˜’ I want an android though.
I know... The issues of the today's world. Phones lol
BUT!! In my defense, I use my phone a lot for editing photos, making nice collages for the blog or stuff, it's nice having Netflix too. And Spotify. But I guess I need to delete though in order to be able to use the phone... It won't let me open Spotify anymore cause it days there ain't enough space for it 😐
But yeah... I like photos. Editing. Writing blog posts. Learning. Listening to music. All of that. I have three apps for my photos. They're brilliant. But I used to have 4, but I had to delete it for more space. I thought it'd work better... but meh...

Anyways... Yeah. Read about EDS there and educate yourself if I'm a person you care about. If I'm not, (And you're just reading my blog cause I'm so amazing) read it anyway just to open your mind. It's a rough disease... it wears you down.

Oh oh oh another bright side of me staying awake though, my body don't hurt as much/not cramping too much since I'm not relaxing my mind nor my body.
When I do manage to relax and rest... The pain I excruciating. So I think my mind unconsciously tries to avoid me resting sometimes. I mean, it knows that me relaxing is extremely painful, so why would it want me to. Can't blame my brain for thinking that way. Nope.

Aaah I'm gonna try to sleep again now.... It's quiet. Maryam picked up Michy yesterday so no more nagging tiny dog (yay!πŸ˜€) 
But look at how cute they all were together. :)
But I still do hate small dog breeds, Gosh they're too annoying. LeiLei is the best <3

Oh oops... it's closer to 6am now. lol Oh well.

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