Monday, August 21, 2017

Freya's birthday

Yesterday was Freyster's birthday.  And it was the best one ever!

The Larssons gave her a new biiiiike! Iiiih! (Freya squealed)
And she freakin' loved her new kickbike she got fron mom and Lasse.










I made two giant cakes for her day. One chocolate pavlova that everyone seemed to get obsessed about haha and then a cream cake with blueberry jam, vanilla custard and then a ourole creamy layer with blueberryvanilla cream in it. A 5 layer cake. BOOM.
They loved it. :D

And Freya loved her gifts! She got a bike, a kickbike, toys, books, clothes, mumin cup, playdoh, artsy stuff. Pens, crayons paper etc etc... I can't even remember all the things she got.


Oh and Nathalie stayed up with me the night before and helped me make meringues and pavlova bottoms and shit. haha We had a retarded evening. A ton of fun!
The meringues turned out perfect, and I covered the cream cake with them too.


I'm so happy that Freya had such an awesome birthday. <3

I can't believe she's already 3 years old :O



Friday, August 18, 2017

fridayfun



Well what do ya know. It's Friday once again.
And the premiere of The Defenders!!! Wooohoooo! I love Luke Cage and Jessica Jones so this will be a hoot. 

My sister will drop by soon to bake some cake bottoms for the cake. 

Natta will help bake cookies tonight or tomorrow. And I'll make the pavlova meringue tomorrow as well. 


But for now, I'm stuck in front of The Defenders ❤

It's perfect. Frost made really good cappuccino just now so I'm sipping in that, feeling warm and fuzzy. 



On Wednesday me and mom went to buy ingredients for everything for Freya's birthday.
it was a nice little roadtrip. went to Kumla too.





Monday, August 14, 2017

Freya's birthday plans

Ok, so apparently there will be a lot more people coming on her birthday than I originally thought.

So I'll make another cake too. Freya specifically asked for something with a lot of whipped cream on it haha And then she said she wanted a pink and blue cake. Which I can totally do since I already planned on making meringues in those colors. #Win!

I'm also still drawing a picture for Johannes babygirl. She'll be born in october so I've got time. But I already got the motive done. #WinAgain haha

Oh today I'm getting a "moon" table. Woho! I've been wanting one for so long and now it's finally miiiiiiiiiiine!


Doodle


I've been working on a piece for my Johannes an his precious girlfriend ❤

She's obsessed with the 50's so I figured I could try to compose something combined with her interests and things she likes. 

We'll see if I like this once it's done. Otherwise I'll just make a different one ☺
I've got bunches of ideas. 

Friday, August 11, 2017

Mystery

You know, every time I think I'm finally rid of that disastrous phone...
My amazing man comes and saves (or ruin) the day. He fixed that motherfucker.

And now I kinda realize that thank god for that cause what am I to do without a phone?
How do I keep up with everything without it? haha It's sad but true, humans need their phones these days.

Stevie would never survive without me on a phone either lmao

jk jk

But thank you beeb for fixing it. Now i can recieve all the pics and updates of Freyas weekend.


Freya just left with mom and Lasse and Josse aaaaand Doris. They're going to zinkgruvan over the weekend, and Freya does love spending time there. I'm glad she has fun <3

We're planning and getting things for Freya's birthday in a week. She's very excited.
We've decided on a perfect birthday gift, plus she'll love the gift from mom and them. And I know that the Larsson's are getting her something awesome too. It's gonna be great :)

Keeping it small and somewhat simple. Or maybe I'm going overboard?
Such a fine line between the two really haha

Nathalie will come over and bake with me for fun. Figured it'll be a fun way of hanging out.
And I'll make the Pavloas the day before maybe. I'll ask Josse, the one she made was delicious, seriously...amaaaazingly yummy. So I'll ask her for tips and advice and shit.

One chocolate and one vanilla. How bout that?

And some pink and blue meringues too. Cause they're cute.
I found these on google, they're adorable aren't they? 
The ones who made these have my respect :)




I wonder if I know anyone with these types of pipes (or whatever the fuck they're called. I forgot the swedish word for it too) to make these.
And I'll also try to make a batch of cookies.


Well alrighty then... well me and honey are going on a date now    :D YaY!

We decided to go to Burger Master. (turns out we chose La Pampa in the end lol) Yum yum yummy, in my tum tum tummy.

And I also go the sweetest message earlier, with a video in it.
I felt so loooooved lol I do love you, you amazing amazon 
Thank you for that. 

Brightened up my day she did.

Here's the link to the video BestFriendVideo :)




Thursday, August 10, 2017

May you rest in peace you stupid piece of shit phone



Well god damn it... My phone is dead.
And I mean DEAD. It won't start no matter what I do. I have no idea why...
Piece of shit. -_-




Good grief, I'm mad.

So yeah...................... I don't have a phone. In case anyone is wondering why I'm not answering, this is why. Uuugh....This will be definitely be a problem. F#ck.

Well now you know.



Doris

Doris hates being here. I've always wondered why. Cause everyone treats her nice.
Well... Everyone but Freya. She loves hugging Doris and cuddling her while Doris just seems to wanna run away lol

So I put out Doris little bed and let her stay in it. Looks comfy and cozy right?
Yeah...

We have a rule here. No dogs in the sofa. That went for lei lei too. (though sometimes I broke the rules cause I wanted lei lei up here hah) 

Anyway. Doris might hate it here cause she knows that no pets are allowed on the sofa. 

But that weaselly little doodle... She sat in her bed. Then she turned around and looked at me, and I was like 'Heeey dooodiiiii'
And then she was all like....... Hey. 

And all of a sudden I'm sitting on the sofa snuggling with Doris next to me. Yep. 

I don't even know how it happened..... *sigh* 




Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Monday, August 7, 2017

Superfun day

Since the entire weekend's been rainy AF, and we sat inside most of the time...
I promised Freya that if it was sunny today I'd take her to town and go see granny at her workplace and just have fun pretty much.

And so Monday came, with sunshine :)




Freya had so much fun. We took the bus to town. And yodeled away to moms workplace.
Then we strutted around the cemetery and looked at all those culture graves that are over 200 years old. Pretty cool. Freya looked at the gravestones and hugged some, poked on some and just sat next to some. She's a cute little oddball. She's a lot like me when I was her age.
Then we walked to their main office...Some fika and coffee on that, and it was golden.
A good time in other words.
Freya got to ride the golftruck even more after that haha and she even got to "drive" it herself. 
(at least that's what she thinks haha) She's so cute. She really enjoyed herself.








After about 2 hours of playing around and exploring we decided to go home.
Mom was gonna meet up with Lasse anyway so they could go home together.

Soooo I took my little weasel and went to Burger King and got her a strawberry milkshake.
Man, she walked with that as if it was the most fragile treasure she owned lol

On our way home we walked through town and looked at all the galaxies and nebulas outside the church. It was pretty nifty. Freya thought it was interesting.

And then we walked and looked at the river, and then the ducks and the geese.
And then the store and home.

Oh right, before we got home I ran into Nicole and her daughter Ivy.
Holy cheesedoodles, it's been so long since I saw her.

Freya immediately went and gave Ivy a hug and then tried to make her smile.
Ivy is about 10 months younger than Freyster so maybe they can play in the future?
We agreed that we gotta hang out soon. She makes awesome food that woman. Mmm...

I shit you not. Some time ago she made a huge dinner. It was an awesome night. We had so much fun :) She made springrolls, deep fried chicken and shrimps, noodles and all kinds of delicious shit. Mmm... a giant Vietnamese dinner in other words.

Ah, here's a picture of it. (Not to brag, but I made half of it...... well she forced me to do it.) But it was fun to cook together like that. We should totally do it again :D




Yep, well... I promised to call her soon and I fucking will.


Saturday, August 5, 2017

Saturday

You know, it's been a nice day. I got up real late too haha
Me and Frost snuggled so hard :) Cause Freya woke up and wanted to watch Carebears in bed.
So lots and lots of morning snuggles while Freya watched netflix at our feet lol


We've cleaned a lot today. And when I say a lot, I mean a LOT.
Dusted, cleaned creaks and corners and vacuumed and mopped etc etc.
And we threw out Lei Lei's rug and her bowls. It was kinda hard... but today I gathered up all the courage and shit and told Frost to go throw it out. Cause I couldn't throw it out myself. It made me a little sad... I keep hearing noises that sounds like her. Gosh i miss my little doodlepuff.


Anyway...moving on. Like I said though, it's been a good day.

It's been raining hard as fuck though. (But in my opinion, that's just cozy and snuggly.) Freya also kept me company when we made chocolate balls. (extra dark coffee in them too) Freya couldn't really help me out. She tried....but the balls just kept on disappearing and I kinda thought that was a little weird. And then I saw traced on out freshly vacuumed and mopped floors.... yeah the little sugar crumbs went from the kitchen to Freya's room somehow. Mysterious I know.

Eventually I decided to do it myself and Freya could eat dinner instead lmao




So, after that we sat down and watched some stuff on TV. Cuddled up in the sofa...
When Freya was busy doing Freya stuff we played a little Destiny.

And theeeen, then I got sleepy... so me and Freyster decided to watch Finding Dory in the bedroom.
The concept was cosy AF. :D 


But reality was a bit different haha
Freya was very snuggly and playful. She quickly turned the bedroom upside down.
So now we're in the livingroom watching shows on netflix and eating chocolate balls.


So anyway, like I said: We cleaned a lot today.
I even washed a pair of curtains and put them up in the kitchen.


It looks so weird without LeiLei's things occupying the kitchen.
Feels weird too.


Stevie bought me 3 months Xbox live gold today.
So now I owe him my firstborn son. lmao

Kidding. I am however blessed with good friends.
I've been really distant from everyone lately. Not just cause of LeiLei of course. Though she was a buffer to it. I got worse after she died.
There's other reasons...I just haven't been feeling alright.
My mom was up my ass about me just being with Frost all the time, never hanging out with anyone.
So... you don't think it sounds weird that Jo ain't hanging out with anyone?
Why is that?
Nah,Jo's just lazy and selfish.
There is a reason though. Why I don't even hang out with my best friends...
It's not a discussion I'll have with her though.



And I hate trying to act all normal and shit, pretending that I'm ok.
Plus I'm pretty bad at it. So I prefer to just be home, watching movies, reading comics and playing videogames and sipping on strong AF coffee and so on...
I get little spurrs where I get out and do things, but it's not often.
I mostly go out to play with Freya :)

But my friends all know me. They know I'm not ignoring them or trying to be a dick.
I respond to everyone. I'm just not hanging out with anyone these days...
I'm hoping to get better at that though. I'll be better yup yup



But hey, autumn is around the corner. And I fucking like the autumn. :)
So maybe my mood will get better.

Freyster's birthday is soon too. Another reason to be happy. 


But back to the topic, I love my friends. Pew pew!
And my sweet parabatai even bought me gifts. A package filled with Lush products. That almost made me cry a little haha Supersweet. And who doesn't love Lush? 


Friday, August 4, 2017

Hello coffee

Frost made such plans today. To go to town, play in the park and let Freya look at new flowers in the city park.

Buuuuuut it looks like the weather has other plans haha 
I don't really mind. It's nice with some cold for once. I'm warming myself up with a nice cup of hot coffee. Frost really do make the best coffee ❤

Freya is watching Carebears & cousins. She's really into it today for some reason. She was even upset that Grumpy was angry haha But I told her that Grundy was just being grumpy ☺

Frost and I are about to watch some Queen of the South 🙏  And we have around 5 new series to watch too. But they seem a little morbid and dark so we'll probably watch it when Freya is asleep :)

Blankets.... I need more blankets in the couch. 

It's snuggle time!!


Thursday, August 3, 2017

Good morning ya'll



Around 4am this little doodle quietly tippy toed into our bedroom. So cute~❤



I couldn't sleep all night so I've just been laying here. Bored out of my mind. I did fall asleep at some point, but then I woke up and realized that I was still dreaming even though I was awake.

So I spent my time fixing the covers on Freyster since she wiggled around so much and got cold. (we've got the fan on in here. Otherwise I'd die from overheating lol) So she got her own covers in the end haha

It's 7am now... And now I'm getting sleepy. Ain't that just perfect. 

Ah I forgot to mention that we went to granny's house too the other day. Freyster was so proud cause she rode her little bicycle the entire way there. She was freakin' adorable too haha ❤ And we had pancakes. 


I know a certain sweet family that I adore that has bought her something very awesome for her birthday too yay! (hint: it's got 3 wheels) 

I still haven't decided what all to bake for that day though.. But I'm sure I'll come up with something. I was thinking Pavlova.👍  Yum. 

Btw, it seems it's hard for Freya to fall asleep without lei lei in her room ❤❤❤ Aaw, my heart aches when I think about lei lei. 


Tuesday, August 1, 2017

It's still morning somewhere...


Heeey...it's the first of august today. Autumn is coming soon. YAAAY!

Me and Frost had quote the nice morning today. ❤
I just forgot to post this then. But I'm doing it now instead.

We had some real good coffee and played a few games. (not to brag but I got breakfast in bed too)  
Freya was having fun at daycare. She's only there 3 times a week, but she's having a hoot while she's there. And that's what matters. ❤

Life is pretty weird sometimes. 

You see people you care about that are good and decent people... They just gets mistreated by lady Fortuna.
 LAnd then you see people that you know are complete dickheads that gets such luck and shit. Lady luck just took a shit in everyone else then lol Kinda unfair. But that's life for ya. 

Talking about some good people, I think we're bound to go to Brickebacken for some fun with Rama, Arthur and Moa soon. 
And some day I gotta go visit Bernie. It's been ages now.  That doodle promised me hot tamales like 7 fucking years ago too haha I want my tamales. (I'm fortunate to have my very own Mexican that can cook proper Mexican food. Nom nom) apparently banana leafs are hard to get a hold of here. Weird huh? 

Therefore, tamales only happens once a year 😞 


Anyway. Freya rode her bicycle to granny's house earlier  (with me walking next to her of course) Yep, pancake and a bath. Such a nice ending on a nice day for Freyster. ❤❤❤



Life is still weird without LeiLei, but you still gotta move one. And it sucks.


Saturday, July 29, 2017

Vila i frid

Well I don't really know what to say.... So I'll just write what comes to mind. 

I've been meaning to write about this for a while now.. . But I just couldn't do it. I couldn't even mention her name since she died.  




Lei Lei ❤

She's dead...... She's really gone. And it's like it's not even real,  I keep waiting for her to walk in here any moment now. 

This is just a bunch of words written down...you can't see the emotions, feel the overwhelming sadness. 

I'm heartbroken... I cried my fucking eyes out for several days. I don't really care if anyone thinks it's lame for crying so hard over a pet. But you gotta understand that she wasn't just a pet. She was never just a pet. 
She was much much more than that...she was a family member. My child and best friend. So yeah, it's natural to grieve. I just didn't think I'd be this heartbroken.💔 I thought it'd help me to know that she was really sick... But it doesn't make me feel any better at all. It kinda makes me feel worse in a way. My sweet little baby... 



And thus, our little family got a bit smaller. It feels really fucking empty without her. I forgot what it was like to not have a dog. She was such a huge part of me, and now it feels like I'm really lonely and empty. I know I'm not alone. I know that... But I feel lonely.
Everything is different now. It feels like a part of me is gone. 

No one is snoring loudly in the hallway...
No one is growling in the night when someone is walking too close to our door. 
No one is growling and whining at the mailman... 
No one is standing by the door happily waiting for me when I get home. 
And there's no pitter patter on the floors from her claws... 
Man, it's empty and sad around here now. 

Did you know that she smiled? She was a smiling dog. And you knew that it was a smile when you saw it...   I should've hugged her more. I should've.
I don't care that she shit herself, I don't care about her constant farting or all the fur everywhere... None of that matters. 
I'd clean up shit for the rest of my life if it meant more time with her. I'd walk with my clothes covered in doghair if I could just have her here again. 
But she was embarrassed of shitting inside. I know she was...poor baby. 

Frost took this really hard as well. 
Haven't seen him shed tears like this before. He's still sad. Just like me... But he's been so supportive and warm. I needed that. He's just been comforting me everyday now. 

And Freya... She's having a hard time coping with this. It's hard for her to understand. She asks everyday where lei lei has gone. Why did lei lei leave... And she looks for her everywhere. Of course it's strange for a child that's been with a dog since the day she was born, and suddenly that dog is gone. Nowhere to be found. It's like loosing a sibling in her case. 

It's hard for her to understand. And it makes me sad everytime she says 'lei lei gone'. 💔

I still haven't cleaned away her bowls and her rug. It's still there... Fur and all. 


And I miss her. Really really much. God fucking damn it I miss her... 


But I was surprised over how many people who gave their condolences. I had forgotten just how many people lei lei actually met. My old coworkers called, old friends and acquaintances, relatives and people I barely know. I thought it was sweet... Many people cried over her. And that warmed my heart a little too. 



I suppose I knew this day would come eventually. She was sick for 7 years. It was inevitable... 
But I just wanted her to be happy and healthy. In the end she was so sick that it was hard for them to even put her down. She was so sick. And it hurts to think about it. 

I miss my doodle... She was mine. And she supported me through everything and loved me unconditionally. No matter how bitchy, moody or boring I was. She loved me. 

And I love her unconditionally too. 

Before it was time, my sister took beautiful photos of her. She looked so pretty and happy. Unknowing of what awaited. 
But I knew. 
And I cried... I cried and couldn't stop. 

I raised that doodle. Since she was a fat puppy. I raised her...we kinda grew up together. 

Shit, that day is the worst day I've ever had. I've never cried this much before. Nor have I ever missed anyone this much either. 
She laid in my lap... Breathing slower and slower. I was fiddling with her fluffy fudge colored ear... I always loved her fuzzy little ears. Just writing this makes me tear up. 
God, how much I love that furball....
Once het heart stopped it was so fucking hard to keep the tears in. Walking out of the clinic with an empty leash. 

People walking their dogs outside knew.. One look and they knew. And their eyes were full of pity. They know what it's like. 

The man I bought lei lei from paid for it all. He helped me put and said that I fought for lei lei for so long that it was the least he could do. It was nice of him to go with me. 
But I don't think he quite understood how heartbreaking it was. I tried so hard not to show it though...but he probably noticed that I wasn't breathing. That I wasn't looking at him. My glasses hid the most of it... 

It felt like I wasn't able to say good bye properly. Cause I wasn't mentally prepared. It all happened to fast really. It was too soon. I feel like we didn't get enough time together. I didn't get time to prepare. I should've said no. I should've waited... I should've waited. I am so sad. 


So I'm saying it now sweetie. 

Good bye baby. I miss you so much. I wish you could've recovered and stayed with me... God, how I wished for that. I love you. I honestly love you so incredibly much. And I hope you knew that. That's what makes me the saddest... Did you know how loved you were? Did you know how much you meant? I hope you did. I hope you could feel it. I hope you felt me when you died in my arms. 
I have so many regrets. But I don't regret spending all my money on you. I'll never regret that. But I do regret that I didn't have enough money to give you the absolute best in the end... I keep wondering if things would've been different if I was really rich.
Maybe it wouldn't have mattered.... You can't buy time I suppose. 

I hope you're finally at peace. 🌟

You had the purest heart of them all. No one could compare to you Lei lei....and no one ever will. 
You were so wonderful and so loved. We all miss you. I miss you. ❤


Forever and always. 


I'm crying while writing this. I can't help it. It's like rubbing salt in an open wound. 

Maybe I shouldn't have written this just yet. 


She died on July 26th. She would've been 8 years old in October. 








Jag vet inte riktigt vad mer jag kan skriva... Det gör fortfarande ont. Slutar man någonsin sakna någon? Jag gråter fan aldrig... Men nu kan jag inte sluta. 
Jag är otroligt tacksam för mina fina vänner som stöttat mig genom allt. Respekterat att jag velat va ifred och funnits där när man äntligen pallar gå ut. 


Vem hade trott att jag skulle bli så här förkrossad...


Tack ❤