Friday, September 30, 2016

butter shortbread & cranberries

My little Freyster is an odd one haha ♡♡♡

She's just too adorable sometimes lol I found her earlier just sitting on a chair in the corner, sucking her thumb. Eyes big, blue and pondering.
I wonder what she was thinking so hard about. She looks very cute when she's in deep thoughts like that.

We've had a good day so far.
My knees are shitty AF today but oh well. Ain't much to complain about though.  :)
In case I didn't mention it...I'm on a 100% sickleave now till October 16th. That's nice. Maybe I can rest and feel better during that time. After that I'm going on a 50% sickleave. Meaning I'll be working 50%. I'm hoping that'll do the trick. I think it'll feel real good :)

I'll still always get my 80% of the pay. One of the benefits of living in Sweden.
It definitely is a secure and safe thing to know that when Freya is sick I'll still get paid for being at home with her. Or Frost duh. Same with now that I'm sick.

It's been a year since I had a longer sickleave. I'm not too fond of it....but it does help me he better.

I've been nibbling on butter shortbread and Freya's been enjoying her dried banana chips and cranberries.
I had to buy the shortbread the other day. It's the same as the ones in airplanes. Mmmm....Scottish butter shortbread . So good.

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Late at night

It's late at night here... 2:10 to be exact.
And I'm so sleepy yet I can't sleep now. I have so many thoughts spinning around in my head.

This is a long post...mainly about my EDS. So if you hate reading shit like this, I suggest you stop now and scroll down haha

So....where to start?

I feel really great! Despite spending 8 hours at the ER. 😥 Gosh, those were some long and boring hours. But my man was next to me all the time. Doing his best to entertain me haha

We went home after 8 hours, none the wiser. (Is that how the saying goes?) Anyway. It would seem that I've just taken the first step on a very long road.

I joined a group a while back...a group for people with EDS. I usually don't like to talk to people about my EDS. Cause I'm scared that it'll make it more "real" (does that sound crazy ?) and I dont like selfpity, so I worry that I'll get stuck in my thoughts or something... (it's hard to explain)
I also somewhat dislike discussing it with others that claim to have EDS...cause I've  unfortunately come across some fakers.  And the fakers makes me feel horrible. (They can make me so sad and angry)  It's like a slap in the face when you meet one of those. Or maybe its just me feeling that way....?

But it's horrible meeting a certain someone that I'm acquainted with, and listen to her "stories".  All she does is lay around all day. Doing everything she can to not have to take care of her little kid.  It's a long story...But I hate people that lies. Especially to lie about a desease that ruins a lot in my life. (And trust me, I know everyone's eds is different. But I can also see a faker when I may one)

And I'm the exact opposite. She said she's exhausted while knowing I just came home from a 27 h shift. She had been alone with her 3 y/o kid for half and hour watching a movie...'s a long and stupid story.
And she made me feel uncomfortable to talk to others about EDS cause I could tell she had no idea what kind of pain it was. Have you ever met someone like that? Who so badly wants a disease to "brag" about to get pity? If really does feel like a slap in the face.
At the same time I met another lady with EDS. Completely different from the one above. I knew immediately from what she told me, how she added and posed that she had really suffered from EDS. She's been the only one I was so what open with..even though we never meet often.
Fuck I keep getting sidetracked -_-

But I reached out to this group last night, and I got such a huge response. So many caring people out there in the world. And these people gave me ideas, links to check out etc, and their support and care. And it meant the world to me.
They're all so sweet. ❤
I've learned so much today and it's so interesting.

I'm going to sit down tomorrow and write some of the stuff down and mention them to my doctor.  Suddenly the world doesn't seem so "locked" anymore for me. I feel like I've opened a door.

But the whole point of this post was to say that I am so damn grateful for all these people. All of them stood by me for over 8 hours all over the world.

Showing their support. Sharing their stories and ideas. And I think it's amazing. They made me think that I can be a better person :) I wanna show my support to people too.

I hope this doesn't come out as offensive, but it feels good to finally have spoken to people that go through the same things I do. People that share my pain. That understands my feelings.
They made me feel like I'm not alone in the world anymore. I am not the only one in this kind of insane pain..

Cause there's been a small void in my heart, despite all the care and support from my family. A small void of loneliness, thinking that no one understands what it's like... no one understands the pain I go through by just getting out of bed.
And today that void was filled. Does it sound silly?

I never ask for help...
But I am SO glad that I dared to write a post and ask for help this time. Joining that group was one of the best things I've ever done.

So thank you all. ❤ You guys are amazing.

And thank you Frost, for always doing your best for me. For always thinking of me and put daughter. And for always trying to make life a little better for me.  You're the love of my life. So let's get married soon ok? 😃

Well I think I got a lot of thoughts out of my head now. Enough to sleep anyway. Freya is laying between my legs like some kind of lapdog haha snoring and sucking on her thumb. light in the dark.
If you only knew how loved you are. Silly baby ♡♡♡

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

The wheels keep on turning

I gotta say, I've got one of the most understanding and cooperative bosses ever.

He's very kind.

I can be off work for as long as I like. No problems there.
And he even read about EDS. Which kinda surprised me when he wrote that he read some articles about it. hah... ain't that something?

I'm getting weirder and weirder by the day. But on the painscale I've been maintaining a 4 daily, which is remarkable. And nice!

Sure, I can get insane pain every now and then but hey. I've been doing great with less than half my dosage of painkillers. That's pretty amazing.

There's just this other teeny weeny tiny problem that's disturbing the peace.
But it'll be dealt with tomorrow. It'll be a long day. Maybe I'll tell ya about it some day.

Luckily I have the most supportive man in the history of men.
I mean, I could seriously commit some horrible crime and he'd help cover it up lol

I'm not saying I'd do something. Duuuh. But I'm just saying he's that kinda man. haha

He's got my back, and I've got his.

Feels good to have an extra income btw. Who would've though that he'd find such a great job where he actually does well and feels comfortable. He likes his coworkers and he bought his first real power-drill and tool set so now he's a full fledged "montör". lol
I'm happy for him :) So very happy! <3

Well, I suppose I better go to bed soon, so I'll be ready for tomorrow.


Ya know.... I loved watched Jessica Jones.

And so, I'm superexcited about Luke Cage :3

It looks soooo cool :D

I'm currently watching The Flash. It's alright.

I do love comics.

(found it on google)

I could probably draw a flash picture on my own though.

I should do that sometime. Draw superheroes :D

Sunday, September 25, 2016

The weekend

Oooooh, I forgot to tell you guys. We got a coffee blender. :D
I made my own coffee this morning and it was deeeelicious :3 hahaha I liked making my own coffee. 

This was the sunset earlier :)
So pretty. the picture just didn't catch the right orange pink colors...

Well, I'm kinda tired. It's been a nice weekend. And at the same time it's been rough on me. But I've had a nice time with Frost & Freya. Having Frost around makes things easier. Duh.
I figured pics would do better than words lol
I'm too tired to write anything good.

Other than that I've had like THE best sushi ever. And that our lil' family went to a restaurant yesterday. Yay us. Yeah....that's about it.

I woke up pretty late tonight, next to Freya -_- *sigh* Slept away another evening.

Yet I can't sleep normally...............blah.

Friday, September 23, 2016

You & I

Have you noticed how the autumn just popped up?
I'm loving it. I love sitting in the autumn sun....just basking in it.
Me and Frost sat like that for a long while the other morning. <3

He's really important to me...duh.
But he supports me and loves me unconditionally and that's a rare and beautiful thing.
I'm sure all of you already know I love him the same way.
Gosh, I've had a very rough day. (and that might even be an understatement)

I've been waiting for the doc to call me all day. Yet no call came.
I've been writing a list of what to tell the doctor too, since I can't remember things well.

I have to get injections, and that's fine. Those injections I've had before. Nothing new.
They'll actually help a lot. So that's cool. That's not the issue...
But I also need to discuss the possible brain damages I have for going with meningitis for so long.
This is my punishment. For not taking it seriously when I had such extreme headaches for two weeks....I should've gone to the ER sooner. Maybe then I wouldn't be so fucked up. There's no use going though "what if's" and shit. I know that....but... aaah whatever.

My memory is failing me, I can get so exhausted that I'll just fall asleep no matter where I am, I won't mind my surroundings either. I'll sleep if I'm tired and that's that.

Apparently, Frost told me he was going to town to get lei lei a leash, and he asked if I wanted to come and eat lunch and so on before he went. And apparently I said no. And we talked for quite a bit apparently. But I told him i didn't wanna go and that I wanted to stay at home and rest..... (but I wanted to go though....)
Yet I have no recollections of this whatsoever. None.
I have NO memory of our conversation at all.... And tbh, it scares me. :(
For some reason it scared me so much that I started crying...... haha I'm silly.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Or if it even has anything to do with meningitis at all.

I have a fuckton of new meds to eat...they should only help though.

So what exactly is wrong with me?

Is there something else I've forgotten now?

Anyway...Frost tried his hardest to cheer me up.
A box of fancy chocolate that a very nice man, or woman picked out. (I'm not sure what she'd prefer to be called) I'll write woman. Frost said it was his own favorites that he picked out for me. So I thought that that guy sounded nice. They were delicious <3

After that we went out for Japanese food. I ate California maki, and Freya & Frost ate Yakisoba and Yakiniku. Freya LOVES Yakiniku. So that's great :D She gobbled it down like an animal lol

Everyday I get reminded of how blessed I truly am, Frost and I were meant to be.
So we found each other. We'll always back each other up.
Aaah, I'm just trying to explain how he makes me happy. Even when I'm hurting....or crying cause I've lost a whole day in memory or something. I know I sound mushy. But in my eyes, it ain't lame to show someone your love.

I'm lucky to have both Freya and Frost in my life. One can't have one, without the other. haha
And my friends...and family, they're gold worth.

Tonight we're playing Rise Of Iron. I get so excited haha It's amazing
Can't wait till Ida's character has leveled up enough to go there too. Bet she'd love it.
It's honestly great. <3

I plan on making my warlock the main character once it's leveled up to a good light gear that is :3

yeah... I know... "Nerd talk."

Well, I feel like this song was fitting.
Jo <3 Frost = Forever

And last, but not least: Happy birthday you beautiful lady <3 Your'e gorgeous, don't ever let anyone bring you down. Your'e amazing and kind and precious to me. So I hope your birthday was amazeballz.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Love love me do

While I'm waiting on the update, which FYI is taking for fucking ever.
Me and Freya are having a Dance fest to old jukebox music :3

Gotta stay young :P hahaha

Rise Of Iron

WOOOHOOO! The day has finally come!

I'm sooooo excited! I'm like a little kid the day before Christmas or something!
I won't play without Frost though. Much :P

I'll wait for him. Maybe.

I do love playing with him :) Just as much as I love playing alone <3

Gaaah, why can't it be like 11 right now?!

Friday, September 16, 2016

Hahaha My angel is too adorable sometimes. Just too adorable. Gosh my heart can't handle it hahahaha
Min lilla smällkaramell <3 .
Eeeuuuuhhh....when I got up this morning, my body was aching like crazy. I guess that's what happens when I lay in bed for too long. I can't lay down for more than 6 hours. 
And I slept for a looooong fucking time last night. Apparently I passed out while putting Freya to sleep. Slept from like 8 till 7 in the morning. But I guess I needed it :) 
Mom said she tried to wake me up around 8 but I was like a dead person haha 

Sweet escape (wednesday)

We're in zinkgruvan right  now :)
And this was the first time I've ever slept alone with Freya. It was superSweet. Though I definitely miss Frost 💕 Snuggletree...

It's been nice. I've been reading my book, watched Freya run around the house round and around and around haha  so cute.
Yep, it was a small but sweet mini vacation over a night lol

Sunday, September 11, 2016

It sucks to be in pain sometimes

Gah... I'm laying on the sofa at work, painfully aware of my body being a bitch.
I don't know what's hurting more, my back or my knees? I'm in fucking pain none the less.
And my hair is changing colors everyday it seems..weird. it's greyer than usual in the ends. And browner than usual in the roots lol
Anyway, as soon as I have enough money, I'm fixing my hair again. 😀  Woop Woop.
Well, I gotta continue reading. I'm just in luuuurve with this book :3

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Being a tired nerd is hard.

 (From now on I earn a LOT more. And me is mucho happy bout that)

So I took my other half with me to dinner last night.
The new chinese restaurant around the corner. YUM! 
So happy that we finally have a chinese restaurant nearby. 

It was delish.

It's been a good week. I've been with Freya a lot, alone. I've always wanted to have some mommy daughter alone time with her, and now that Frost is working everyday we gets to have our days.

And I love it. I love being home with her. She's such a sweet kid.
Mom has been helping out a lot too. It's hard puzzling your schedule up like this when I work a difficult schedule.
She wakes you up by sitting on your chest, leaning forward, giving you a good morning kiss,  and then doing the eskimo kiss <3 Gaah... she's too cute.

Though, the other day she sat on me, patted my head, smiled and said "Iiidiot.." slowly.
And then did the cutest smile ever.

And I was like O_____O

Jaw dropped.

Apple picking

It's been quiet here on the blog for a while now. Sorry about that :3

Ah I have so many Russian readers, and american reader, That's nice. Hi~

So, it's been a busy week.

A few days ago we went to visit my cousin Carro on the countryside and her little baby Ella <3
Soooo cute. Gaah... I felt my ovaries go squueeezeeee when they saw her lol Such a cute baby.
And their house is amazing too. It's a pity she doesn't like apples when they have so many apple trees lol

And here's the thing, and this is taboo to talk about. But as a parent I know this all too well...
There are some ugly babies out there. Naturally a parent will think they're adorable tho<3
But like I said, some babies just ain't pretty. they've gotta grow into it. And it can take some time.
But Ella, wow...she was CUTE. Like supercute <3 Those little eyes and puffy cheeks! I can't wait to see what she'll look like when she's around 2 years old or something :)

 I remember Sofi said the same about Freya when she was a baby. 
Naturally I think she's the most beautiful little thing on the planet. Duh. But I've had people stop me with the stroller and tell me how adorable my child is, and that made me realize that she's not just cute in MY eyes, but others too. Snugglerump. 
So I hope Carro sees that Ella is beyond pretty :) 

But yeah... Ella was very sweet <3 Ca't wait to meet her again.

Anyhooo... the point of the visit wasn't JUST babysnuggles. We also picked apples!
And boy, did Freya have a blast... she had so much fun, just running around playing and eating apples. It was nice to see her so happy and excited. She was also very intrigued by little Ella. haha it was cute to watch. (ya'll should see Ella's hair. It's thicker than mine... :P  *envious* lol)

Made me think of siblings for the Freyster tbh.
We'll probably try to give Freya a sibling next year :)
Things are going so well for us right now. And if things continue on this way then yeah... a baby would fit right in! :D

I made a short video of all the apple picking and running around haha

Saturday, September 3, 2016

Still sick it seems

I thought I'd be better by bjw, but it seems that I'm not. Boo. And I have to work tomorrow...
But you know what? I have the best man in the universe by my side. Seriously. No one can compare to him.
Everything about him is amazing and wonderful. The way he talks, the way he views things, the way he warms my heart, his eyes, his lips, his laughter, his mind, the way he makes me feel, his earlobes, his nose, his booty, his smile...his ****, every little bit of him is just fucking wonderful. And I love him so incredibly much.

He's worked hard today, and yesterday too. 15 hours straight with no breaks yesterday, and 9 hours straight today. Came home completely exhausted but still tried his best to be with me and Freya. <3

And now it's 2am...reeeeeally late. And he's up in the kitchen making tea for me since I'm in pain. Even though he's very tired. It takes about 30 minutes to make this tea... at the very least. And he has I get up real early with Freyster tomorrow morning. Yet he still went up and started brewing it.

So yeah... He's amazeballz.

My mom always says that one should never take anyone or anything for granted. And she's right. I always think about how lucky I am.
I don't take him for granted. I always think about him :) And writing this is my way if showing my affection for him.

I KNOW just how special and sweet he is. He's perfect in my eyes. With his wonderful sides and his bad sides too.. yep. I love every bit of that man. I could never take this sweetheart for granted. Id be a fool if I did. Haha

I'm extremely lucky to actually have experienced this kind of love. I know it's rare, and I know it's passionate and unique. I'm so lucky to have met him. He changed my life :)

And we've the Freyster too. <3 and she's amazing!