Saturday, February 27, 2016

Fuller House

In this house where sickness lingers.... we open all the windows, sit down in the sofa and watch the new show Fuller House.

Man, I think I might've gotten a tiny tear in my eye watching the first episode.
So fucking nostalgic. I mean, it felt like I was 9 again. I miss the 90's. (Holy fudgesickle I'm old)

Well, it's not like this show's awesome, but it's good tbh...and for us who grew up in the 80's and 90's...this was what we came home to after school. Me and my sister would sit in front of the tv glued to this and step by step and baywatch and other stuff (in my case Buffy lol). Aaaah the nostalgia.

Talking about nostalgia, I want to get better so I can go on walks again with Josse. I really think I'm able to do that now :D

Moving on. I feel a lot better, a dear friend of mine dropped by and saved the day. Literally. I'm not gonna say what she did cause that'd be kind of a crime lol I do however feel like sending a huge FUCK YOU to her cousin who hurt her.

See, I'm gonna let this stay in the blogpost cause this is what my daighter does when I look away for a freakin's second.


I'm so miserable right now... I'm almost out of any kind of pain relief. Obviously that was bound to happen since I had to double the dose to even function... -_-
Actually ALL of us are miserable. For some reason Frost is sicker than me. His flu is in the 9th or 10th day. Gah.. I sure hope I won't be sick that long.
In in such pain... And I can't even tell the have difference between EDS related pain and flu symptoms.

I cheated on my diet today, because fuck everything. I ate a bun. And that's also all I've eaten today. A stupid bun. Buuuuuut I didn't throw it up so yay! Progress.

Freya played at daycare while Frost and I laid dead in bed.

Though we had to force ourselves to go to the store... And the positive side is that we saw a really nice sunset. It was really pretty. :)

Then we came home and died again.

Oh and btw, I made this post the day before today. For some reason it got posted today instead.
For what it's worth, I feel a lot of better today. Frost, not so much.

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Yesterday & today

Well it's really nice weather today. 

And I'm laying on the couch dying... It literally feels like I'm dying. Guueh.... I threw up so much last night.

Freya is playing at the daycare so at least I know she's enjoying herself. Frosty ain't so good today either. What's with this shit? 

Yesterday when I was still feeling pretty good, Nas dropped by. 
Yeah it was a pretty decent day yesterday. I was kinda below the 5 mark again so.

Sofia dropped by for some coffee after that too :)

Btw, my daughter is like THE CUTEST LITTLE FART NUGGET IN THE UNIVERSE! She's too damn cute! Hahaha 

And and here's a link for the Divisions Give-away! 

Yay! Anyone who's interested can get the chance to win the game anyway so that's pretty cool :) 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Good morning sunshines!

It's a lovely morning! The sun is shining, the air is fresh, and I feel like spring might come any day now. Yay!

My pain is yet again lower than 5 so woho! (Though yesterday I did double my dose. But I don't feel like I need any today)

My shift just ended and moms here to pick me up. Is amazing what a "normal" shift can do to ya. From 16:30 till 9 in the morning. It feels nice. Sweet!

Time to go home!

Monday, February 22, 2016

Evil Within

I've been meaning to play this game for a while. But baby and work and so on got in between.
But I decided to finally sit down yesterday and enjoy the horror game a little :)

Oooooh you can really tell who made the game when you play it.
I do love games like this.

The story is so so, but I like it a lot!
It's a good game so far.

I decided to play in survival mode which I surprisingly did really well in haha
Though I panicked like once or twice due to some surprises but overall I've done well.

Scaredy cat Jo in da house. lol
I told Frost how brave I was hahahahaha

But seriously, it was worth the money. And worth my time. It's a pity it's not co-op like Resident Evil 5 or something but oh well.

They kinda spoiled a lot of the story in the "about" section but whatever. haha

People who like horror and gross shit and blood should enjoy this.

Yes Marty, I mean you. Time for you to get an xbox one I think.

Though I can totally see Nathalie playing this. It's right up her girly alley. :) haha

Good morning!

I'm having a really nice morning. Sitting at the bus station waiting, while sipping on some coffee. I'm glad I bought coffee (and had time for it) cause it's a little chilly right now here.
Yep, I'm on my way to work and I feel really good today. I'm a 3 so far on the pain scale between 1-10 and anything below a 5 qualifies as a good fucking day for me :)

Plus my shift actually ends at 5pm today. Yay! I split one shift into two with Agnes so we're sharing Monday and Tuesday. So tomorrow I start at 4pm instead and come home the next morning.

Ah good luck to my mom today too!
She's having a tiny procedure done today. Small but still scary. Cause I've done it so I understand what it feels like. It'll be fine though.

Oh the bus is here. It's one of those new busses... Oooooh... So comfy.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Life as it is

Yeah... Today didn't really start that great.
It was rough. Really rough. My painkillers aren't working.

I woke up and noticed that my neck is "wrong" and that I can't bend down or move well at all basically. It just pushed me over the edge and I had tears in my eyes when I left for work.

My bag is really heavy, It's hard on me.

When I was almost at the bus stop (with 7 minutes left till the bus was gonna arrive) I noticed that I forgot that most important thing for my dinner, without it I can't really eat the food I brought... And that shit just pushed me further of the edge that I was already dangling from... So I screamed BAAAAALLS really loud and angrily with tears in my eyes and people turned around and looked terrified. And that made me even more upset so I yelled "MotherfuckingfuckshitpissFUUUUC!!!" and kept trotting toward that stupid fucking bus stop. Only to find out that it's fucking late. Which made me sniffle again. Which made me curse even more. And I was late for my fucking job.

But once i got here, I calmed down. A if anyone understand how it feels to not wanna live inside your own body anymore. I hate my body. It's so useless. What's the point of building muscles faster than normal people, if I can't even regulate or handle my own strength?! Why am I this strong if I can't use it? Why be anything if all I do is feel pain...?

Welp, I'm finally sitting down with a cup of coffee. I doubled my medicine even though I'm absolute not supposed to do it. I feel better. I calmed my mind. And I keep telling myself that I can do this. All I have to do is make it through the day, and monday and tuesday too... and then I have 6 days off. I can do this. I can do this. I always do this.

Freya's been staying with her granny and granpa these past two nights. I picked her up yesterday after work so we could spend some time together and then dropped her off again in the late afternoon. Frost has got one hell of a bad flu. It's an awful kind, mom's neighbor got it too. It seems so painful... it make me sad to see the one I love in such a state. But mom and Lasse has been helping him with Freya cause I can't be there when I have 26 hours shifts. :/ You try to find a replacement in the last minute for a 26 hours shift. It's next to impossible.

I had hoped he'd be much better today but he doesn't seem too well... I'm just wishing that Freya doesn't catch this. This kind of pain in a little snugglemonsters body is top extreme. Gosh, No. Nope. She can't catch this flu. Nope.

SHe was so cute yesterday when I had coffee at mom's place. She was doodling on a magazine and she was soooo excited cause she got to use an ink pen (which later resulted in some not so cool face tattoos..but still. haha) she was so happy and adorable :)

Sometimes, I realize that the only thing that motivates me in life is Freya & Frost. They're the only reason I make it through. Cause honestly, who the fuck would wanna live like this really...?

But let's stay positive. I am not alone. And I finally found a group online for people with EDS, I'll went and ask about what meds works best on them.

I'll be fine.

See that?
See how beautiful my daughter is? She's amazing, in every way. Even the way she can be annoying sometimes is amazing. But most of all, she's absolutely perfect and sweet <3

Who wouldn't keep going  when you can come home this this? :)

Ah, last night me and beeb caught up on some shows. We watched the latest episode of Supernatural and The Blacklist. We snuggled and wen't to bed kinda early, we also watched the first episode of "Love" on netflix. Seems like a fun show haha Though I felt like such a horrible person cause I just couldn't stop staring at the dude's nose. It's just so... out there.

I mean, look at it. This picture actually makes it looks smaller though lol Anyway... it's time to do some other shit.

I miss Frost. I wish I could be at home with him. He even offered to come to work even though he's sick and bring me my lchf tortillas haha Silly puff. He should stay in bed. Mom already offered to come <3

see, thing's turn out ok.

Tuesday, February 16, 2016


There's are days when you're way more lovey dovey than usual l, you know? We've been like this for a while haha
Hey, I think it's awesome that we can be this mushy with each other still after 4 years. :)

Ah, last night was sooooo nice.
Especially when all three of us fell asleep in Freya's room haha I fell asleep on Frost's shoulder and Freya fell asleep on top of me (kinda wedged in between the two of us haha) and there we laid. Till Frost and I woke up and decided to snuggle on our own in our bed haha

It's good for the soul to snuggle your loved ones. Did you know that?

I think every relationship needs a moment each day where you just lay down and snuggle. :D Right? Right!?

Anyway... It's probably time for me to finish breakfast. I'm so tired... A is playing candy crush and I see my chance for a nap here haha

Btw, A and I just planned something radical hahaha

The day before

Despite having such a rough start Monday morning, I actually managed to go for an hour long walk in a normal speed with honey. It was really nice walk, and definitely not as fucking cold as it is today. Gah...

Monday, February 15, 2016

Something to think about

I'm laying in bed...still. Haha everyone is up getting their shit done, and I'm laying here like a gutted fish.

But Frost will help me out of bed soon :)

Today the neurologist will call (in like 30 minutes actually) I'll ask to have meeting with the one that's actually educated in the EDS matter. And after that I'll get a call from my regular doctor...well an assistant anyway, and I'll tell them that the oxy's they gave me SUCK. And I'll give them back to them.

Why can't he understand that I need a way bigger dose than an average person? I still need time releasing pills, but much stronger. And I need something for when the pain gets intolerable too, like a breakthrough drug. (Google that if you don't know what I mean)

So yeah... Today I can't even get up. I've actually been awake for a few hours but I can't move so... Duh.

I found an article about EDS pain that I wish my doc would read. I'm gonna send It to his assistant though.

Check it out. :) it was quite enlightening for me anyway.

In the meantime you can look at me and Freyster this Saturday. Haha

Sunday, February 14, 2016

One Year Ago

Geez, time sure flies huh?

I wish she'd stay as my little doodlepop forever. And at the same time I can't wait to watch her grow up and turn into an amazing person.

I hope everyone had an awesome Valentine's Day!

I did!

Happy Valentine's Day!

You know, before I met Frost. I sort of thought Valentine's Day was kinda lame.. But these days I enjoy it!

Every Valentine with Frost is always nice :)

Even though I said no gifts, I got the most delicious praline box from him this morning. It was soooo pretty too! And soooo tasty lol Two layers as well. Neat!

This is an awesome Valentine's Day so far. I'm in an excellent mood, and I wanna go out! The swelling in my knees has gone down quite a bit, and I can get up on my own today. (Dressed myself too) BRO FIST! Haha So maybe we'll all go for a walk soon?
Valentine's Day
Ah but seriously, it's a good day. Let's enjoy it!

I have some knitting to do at the moment, and then I'll drink a cappuccino and we'll watch something good :) And tonight TWD PREMIERE!! WOOOOHOOOO! Best Valentine's Day ever huh? :D

Lookie lookie at the pralines here :3 teheee~

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Yesterday and a wee bit of EDS complaining.

Oh I totally forgot to tell you about yesterday!
And the movie too. And some crap about my life.

First of all, mom drove me to the doctor and we pretty much forced him to see me.
We changed my medication, so now it's like full-time opiates going on here. Though the dose is bullshit. I promised to try it so I will. But I know it's not working that well cause it's such a fucking low dose. But this is sweden........ they don't care about someone's suffering nope.

But I also got something similar to valium to help chill the fuck out at night time.
See, we've discovered that since I can't relax during the night, I get even more tense, and with that I cramp up more and more without actually really noticing it.. and then I clench my jaw. Which results in my teeth cracking in the end (I mean, I've lost pieces of my teeth these past few weeks) So, hopefully this'll help me relax better.

I told him that I can't take sleeping pills since I need to be able to hear if Freya is crying. I won't risk that by taking sleeping pills and "hope" that I'll hear her. So these will hopefully work instead.
Though 15mg is quite the low dose on someone like me. The doc insisted that it's a very high does and that he won't prescribe anything higher than that but that just shows how little he knows about EDS.

It's like my dentist said: People with EDS are quite resistant to anesthetics & painkillers... therefor a higher dosage is always necessary. Which is also why the painkillers are stupid. I need a higher dose or something else. Though this is probably the best kind of painkillers you can get, but like I said. I need a higher dose.

Today is a pretty fucking shitty day physically for me. I mean, I'm happy and all.. but today I can't really walk. my knees have swollen up insanely much over the night. They've been hurting this past week, so I figured something like this would happen eventually. But this is insane.

Frost had to help me get my pants on cause I can't bend the legs that way right now. I just couldn't dress myself. I tried but it didn't work. It hurt too much :(

Thank heavens for having Frost in my life. He's my snuggletree that I can hold on to when it's to stormy.

Moving on though, back to yesterday........... we went to see Dead Pool!

My god, it was hilarious! We laughed so much! (it was extra nice cause I love hearing Frost laughter, so I really had a nice evening) Ryan Reynolds really was fucking perfect for the role. I love how they made fun of X-Men and Wolverine (The movie) Plus he's just genuinely funny that guy. And then we finished it off with a nice chipotle salad, and snuggles.

Picked up a superhappy Freyster from mom's house :) She seemed like she had an awesome time there haha

Well, I'm just gonna knit a bit now and continue to be miserable and wait till at least 9 hours have passed by so I can take another painkiller. Yeah, they're time released and completely worthless cause of the low dose. See, I got 10mg. Which made me think that it would be literally 10 mg that would be released into my body every second hour or so. BUT NOOO... turns out the entire pill was 10g. Which means that it's basically like not even 1mg being released in my body every two hours. Wow. Cool huh? I don't think anyone would feel that.

Urgh.. I'm stuck in the couch cause I can't move without help. And here's the best part... I can't go to the bathroom HAHA!

But, even so... I am happy. I really am. Cause everyone is so caring and sweet and helpfull. Especially Frost. PLus, Freya is super snuggly today! YAY!

Good morning!

Daddy and the Freyster watched old cartoons in the morning.
Yosemite Sam :) Hahaha!!

Freya like good old stuff, not this new ugly cartoons that airs. Blah.

And now Freya and I are watching The Rescuers Down Under (Bernard & Bianca)
lol the lizard Joanna actually reminds people of me.... I'll take it as a component. Not show how that's a compliment but it's Disney! And that's good enough for meeee~

Oh and I've managed to scare the shit out of Frost three times since last night. HAHAHAHA!! Aaaaah man, I laughed so hard that tears started coming out haha And this morning too! Gosh... He hates it haha