Saturday, January 30, 2016

Tom Clancy's The Division beta

Been playing Tom Clancy's The Division beta. :D

It fucking awesome! So far I'm loving it. The quests are good, you can upgrade shit and buy new guns. It reminds me of Gears Of War combined with Tomb Raider lol I donät know why though............ But I like it.

It looks good, has a cool story and what's even better is that it's co-op! Both campaign and in general. Now that's fucking brilliant! There's a "team death match" in it too.

I'm actually allowed to show pictures of the game even though it's in a beta. They didn't forbid pics :D So I'll try to take a pic later. I took some screenshots on the xbox though.

So add awesomest koala and check it out why don't ya! I'm planning on making a little clip so you can see it.
I gave out a beta code to my friend too so she could play it as well. I bet she'll like it too!

Better mood

Yeah, so I'm in a waaaay better mood now. Yup.

Turns out the dentist was well informed about EDS. So he knew that the anesthesia might not work.
Anesthesia is difficult for someone like me. But I told him that as long as he let me have the time to calm down and meditate a little then it'd be fine.

See, the more nervous or tense I am... the less any kind of anesthesia, sedatives or anything like that works on me. It's true.

I once had to go through a procedure (I won't go into the details since it wasn't one of my prouder moments...) but it was kinda brutal. They pumped me up with both sedatives and painkillers (morphine) and I was extreeeeeemely nervous and tense. NOTHING WORKED. In the end I threatened to kick the nurse but I apologized immediately too and said that I might actually kick one of them cause it hurt so much and I couldn't control my reactions. "More sedatives!! MORE SEDATIVES!" the doc yelled. It was kinda funny, kinda looked like in Grey's Anatomy or something lol The sweet nurse pumped me up with more. And more. And more. And more morphine. Till I reached the human limit and they had to stop cause you can only put so much sedatives in a body apparently.

And when they gave up. I relaxed.

And I went batshit crazy. I said awful things, made extremely lame jokes (though I found them to be hysterical at the moment. I mean, If you know what kind of procedure it was you'd laugh hehe) And I laid back and sang children songs.. And apparently I sounded really creepy singing some songs cause the nurse said it reminded them of a haunted hospital movie where a child would haunt people and hum on songs like I did HAHAHA So I was moved to another spot. Locked in hah.

Oh shit... I wrote a lot huh?
Well anyway.. my point was that shit don't work good on me, unless I have valium or if I'm very determined and meditates.

So it went great. :D (I was honestly so panicky before I met the dentist that my tummy started to feel really bad..) But he was great. It felt like such a relief too that he knew about EDS and stuff like that. And he said if I choose to go to him  after this as well then he'd hook me up with some of those blue pills lmao Nah but seriously, he said we'd fix a good way to handle my nervousness. Either some sedatives that I'll eat before going or some other way. Cause the reason I relaxed easily today was cause it was such a small procedure. But if I would have to get a root canal then I'd have to be nearly unconscious for a sedative and anesthesia to work. Seriously...

The reason I'm so scared of dentists is mainly because I've felt the horrible pain of when the anesthesia doesn't work. 6 doses and it still didn't make a difference. And that's stuck inside me now. I can't just stop being terrified of them. But he did ease my mind.

Plus.................. my employers dad told me what it's like to get a root canal. THAT REALLY DIDN'T MAKE THINGS EASIER. Not one bit lol

So, let's move on.

I've had a nice week though. we went to town, since it's hindersmässan the other day.
Freya got her first balloon and she loved it!!

 She also got an organic chocolate lollipop to suck on.
I chose chocolate cause it's soft.
And don't worry, even if she got treaty treats that day,
her favorite treats is still raisins, smoothies and quark haha

Talking about raisins, I never thought I would love to watch someone nibble on something or eating something as much as I do when she does it. She's just too damn cute. And she LOVES the raisins, and she gets really stingy with them too haha Cheapskate. And then all of a sudden she picks on out of her tiny little mini-box and holds her hand to my face. It's for meeee~
Well gosh. Don't that just melt a mom's heart haha

It's been a calm workweek though. One 26H shift, and then a short shift at my other job yesterday.
That's when half the tooth fell out. -__- But! Before that happened I got a late christmas gift from my boss! :D

I was surprised actually, especially when I opened it.
It was an iittala bowl. :D

I guess you could say I'm pretty high right now. I indeed took my fair share of painkillers today.
My body is the least of my problems at the moment ;D



I was gonna make a nice blogpost yesterday, but then all I could thing of was FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

So I didn't.

I'm about ti head to the emergency dentist.
Aaaah gotta love myself.

I'm about to shit my pants, that's how scared I am.


Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Rise Of The Tomb Raider

Ah, the other day I actually got some free time to just do whatever I wanted, so I managed to start playing the new Rise Of The Tomb Raider :D

It's such an awesome game! Insanely beautiful.
It's been waiting on the xbox for a long time, but I rarely get time to play games like that. Games where I need to focus and want to focus and see what's going on. I usually only get a chance to play CoD online haha

So this was awesome :D
Finally some Jo time.

Can't wait to play more!

Ah, I also started playing Metro. I kinda like it so far :)
I mean, I get lost sometimes in the tunnels at the markets and shit though lol But it's kinda cool :D

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Le me today

Heh~ I took a selfie!

I know, its ridiculously rare for me to do that.

But I figured, hey... That's me. I'm the owner of this amazing and splendid blog. *super serious face* I should show myself every once in a while.
And right now I'm about to take a nap at work. Yep... The nap is the best part of work.

I was wondering if there's something I should write more about on the blog?

I mean, I've been told that just me writing random shit like always is fun. But I've also been told that selfies, writing facts about me and writing about series and video games is super fun too apparently.

Is that true? Should I write more about that stuff then? More about video games too? Cause I soooo don't mind that haha (gets to play even more teheee~)

I'm gonna complain a little about medical stuff now...

And if you don't wanna hear about it, I suggest you just scroll down to a more fun blogpost haha

First of all, doctors.......... how the fuck can they be so hard to get a hold of?
I've been trying to get in contact with my doc for a week now.
I wanna change my medication cause I feel like I'm abusing my poor liver too much.
And I also need some sort of relaxer so help me wind down at night before bedtime.
I'm thinking valium, which they hate of course.

But I can't take  any kind of sleeping pills, I can't do that anymore and I refuse to even try because I have a little daughter. And I have a certain time I need to wake up too. What if she cries at night (like she can do sometimes) and I won't wake up huh? Frost doesn't hear much at all once he's actually asleep. And I need to be able to hear her, I also need to be able to hear my dog if she's trying to tell me that she needs to take an emergency shit. Thus I can't take any kind of sleeping pills.

I just need something that'll make me relax in the early evening so I can go to bed a few hours later. Something that'll make me chill out and make my muscles less tense you know?

I ain't a doctor so all I can think of is a form of benzo. I got sobril a few years ago, a very low dose that did absolutely nothing. I didn't even feel it. I kept being tense and stiff as fuck and it took soooo many hours for me to relax and finally sleep.

So my doctor and I will have a very deep and important conversation about it.
We need to find some kind of solution anyway. His idea with some fucking anti anxiety pills at night was completely useless and stupid. It turned me into a zombie the day after. EVERY TIME. And I wouldn't react to Freya's cries fast enough either. It was impossible to work the day after I took one.

Secondly, another thing is that I need to get a yellow cars at the dentist.
I don't know if I wrote this already but I piece of my tooth flew off under certain circumstances and left a hole and a huge crack in the remaining tooth. I feel like if I pick on the tooth a little it'll just crumble to little pieces. Of course I'm fucking terrified too. My teeth are going downhill. And I'm scared. Apparently it's typical for people with EDS (I had no idea about that though)

So, lots of thousands is expected to be spent at the dentist soon. I can feel at least three issues in m teeth. So, yeah... hello debt. haha

Another thing is that after I have a good talk wit the doc (which has to happen) and he gives me whatever medication he feels is good and whatever, I'm going to switch clinic again to the clinic closer to me. When I'm really sick it's impossible to get to the clinic that far away. Unless my mom gives me a ride, which she can't all the time. Plus that clinic doesn't have a gynecologist, which suuuuuck. I am a woman. Sometimes we need to see a freakin' gynecologist. I for example needs to discuss birthcontrols and shit. Meh.

The downside about changing the clinic is that this clinic closest to me doesn't have doctors that stays there. They're all temporary. Aaaaall of them.

Now imagine having a disease that's slowly killing you (figure of speech) and a new doctor every time. You have to tell your story every God damn time too. Unless my doctor is smart enough to write a gooooood journal about all my problems so I don't have to tell it every time.

But nevertheless... I still need to switch clinic. -_-

Doctors these days want to sell you bad shit. They give you bad tips of medication that they're being paid to recommend. You know it's the truth, they've been bought. Bribed or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.

Which is why I read stuff for myself. About what's good for a person with EDS and what's bad.
My doctor don't know shit about EDS. I had to teach him. He was honest about it too. But I just wish someone with a lot of knowledge could give me some tips...

I'm sick and tired of people that fake EDS. They say they have it, they get a stupid doctor to say they have it without knowing WHAT to look for in order to actually give the diagnosis.

Those fake people fuck other people that are really sick up.
They talk a lot of shit about how it's like for them, and what to do to feel better and so on... when it's all bullshit. In the end their advices makes you even more sick. Cause they have no idea what living with EDS really is like. They think that it just hurts in the back or something. (I've heard fakers talk about it before. A person with EDS will always know if they're lying. You can see the misery in their eyes if it's true. haha Like a secret link between EDS people lol)

I've heard about one lady like that in this town. Which is why I've decided to only trust certain people about eds. For instance, the lady that told me she though I had EDS when I was just suffering and no one knew what to do. I'll believe her.

And if my neurologist would say 'hey, I've got this group with people that suffers from difficult EDS that I'd like you to join'. Yes. I'd probably meet them at least once.

But I have found 3 people (or more like my mom accidentally found them) and I plan on having fika with them. All from different ages. One's an old lady, and her EDS is 10 times worse than mine.
I hate to say this, but I'm actually glad that I have my EDS and not hers.

I discover new weird problems about my body almost everyday.
Yesterday my foot just gave up. I didn't even do anything. It just decided to start hurting like it was broken. And I've been limping since then.

It was so hard to hurry to the bus station this morning... limping like crazy. On slippery fucking ice too. -_-

So, I am in an extremely bad mood today. It's worse than yesterday.
My foot hurts... my kneecap want to get dislocated all the time and my spine feels like it's attached though just a tiny thin little thread to my tailbone. A thin thread that'll snap any moment is what it feels like.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.............. there. It feels so much better just getting it all out there. it's my blog so I can write whatever the fuck I want. :D


Friday, January 22, 2016


Asdfghjkll...... bleeeeuuurgh.

I am it's not a happy go lucky powerpuff doodle today. Mostly meh.
Shit's just blah. I'm deprived of a lot of different things. It seems like it affects me more than I thought.

I'm just sooooo tired... which is why I'm moody and down. I can't sleep.
I lack things :(
I mean, I try. But it ain't working. I laid in bed literally the entire fucking night staring into the ceiling. My eyes wasn't even tired. They didn't wanna close so I just looked around. I fell asleep for like 10 minutes here and there. I know this cause I checked the time all the time to see if morning was near. And I'd close my eyes only to find out that a measly 10 crappy minutes had passed. -_-

My eyes are burning now, I'm so sleepy.. But I know that I still have to get up super early tomorrow morning and get back to work. HAHA. So no, I won't get any rest anyway cause it takes hours for me to wind down and fall asleep. And by the time I fall asleep ,it'll already be early morning.
That's just how I roll.

And I get disappointed when something doesn't go as I had hoped. -_-
So today was just a disappointment.

But eventually it turned out alright.
Ate delicious taco salad, Snuggled up against my loving man in the sofa. Freya's been SuperDuperAdorable and fun as always.
How can I continue to be in a "meh" kind of mood then? haha

My orders today!

I ordered some stuff today. Plus I bought black bean spaghetti at the store :) It's a fuckton healthier, way waaaaay less carbs.
And so is the stevia chocolate ⌒.⌒  
Packed with protein, no sugar added, lots of nutrition and less carbs. Heh~

Ah, the stevia drops are basically sweet flavors. I chose chocolate this time, but I'll buy vanilla and the strawberry one too some other time.
Perfect for smoothies. Or to flavor whipped cream or making a chocolate milk to drink. Yup yup.

I'm satisfied with my choices today.

Found these pics on google :3

Thursday, January 21, 2016


I think I've found my favorite kind of coffee.
Kahl's coffee. Mmmmm.... Yum yum.

Yet another work day is almost at it's end. Though work continues till midnight and then starts again tomorrow morning ¬_¬ Meh. Aaaand then there's work again on Saturday. Oh well oh well.

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

My crappy collage and our delicious dinner

Yeah maybe I'm not the most awesome collageer in the world (is that even a word? Well it is now anyway so...) I try to make nice collages though haha

Man, Frost and I made like there's best taco salad earlier. So fucking good that my mouth went OMNOMNOMNOOOOOM!
Luckily I even made en extra for work tomorrow. Wooh~

Obviously Frost's salad was a liiiittle more spicy than mine but whatever. He lurves spicy shit. He'll nibble on a fresh habanero like it was candy. Yup. Insane, I know haha

lol Freya is so cute. She was reading her book upside down earlier. Like a baaaws. Yeah she's a cool baby. Gaah, I feel like attacking her and chomp her cheeks and kiss her and huuuuug her. Yes I'm like a neurotic lovestarved psycho. Haha GIVE ME SNUGGLES!

Uuurk, this week is filled with work. It's not even like I get to be home enough. Blah. Just gotta keep it together till next week. Got the week off then. Yay~

Tuesday, January 19, 2016


Work's been good.  Got my work corner... Where I occasionally take naps. Yep.
Got a headache though...

Apparently Freya ran up to LeiLei and gave her a hug today. Aaaaaaw!! ♡♡♡ So Frost took a picture of her sitting down with Leilei. Gosh, my snugglepuffs.

Welp I ain't got much to say. Me and A watched the third episode of The Shannara Chronicles. Pretty damn good show.

And I watched the first two episodes of Shadow Hunters. Yup. Apparently that show let a lot of fans down. I however ain't a fan so I'm not disappointed really. Haha :D its worth a watch. Something to do when I'm bored and shit.

Apparently I might (and its a big "might") go to Scotland this spring. I think it was Edinburgh? Ah I don't remember. It's work. So I wouldn't really pay anything. Or I'd PAY, but I'd get the money back from my boss once in back. Yup.

She said it'd be for like a weekend, so I think it'd be nice. I hope we'll go :)

Sunday, January 17, 2016

The truest and purest of all loves

Freya is growing up so fast. Learning new things, evolving, trying and being daring. Yep. She's a cool baby. *proud mama*

I love looking at Frost sometimes, when she's playing in front of him. His eyes are always sparkling when he looks at her. He's a proud dad indeed, and he loves showing her new things and teaching her the difference between stuff. I love watching my two sweethearts playing.

Right now me and Freya are watching The Whispers. She's doodling around on the floor, giggling and talking. Haha


It's cold as fuck outside, but the weather is so damn beautiful. The sun is shining and barely any clouds in the sky.

Freya is snuggly as always. I'm so blessed to have a snuggly daughter ⌒.⌒  (I love snuggles you know) Lucky! Haha

I had to take some photos of Freya today cause she looked adorable when she was sitting in the sofa. It's so bright today so we had to pull down the blinds. I couldn't take a photo of her otherwise haha

I love our new curtains. Turns out I made a goof choice buying those. *bro fist to myself* And now we have matching pillows too. (Thanks mom) I'm going with purple this year ♡

It's been a good day so far. Frost made me breakfast, which Freya of course ate from too haha she had two breakfasts today then.

And later I have to go yo work. I'm working extra :) I start at 6. And I'll be home tomorrow again. This week I'll be working a lot, so I'll probably be very anti-social. I'll try to hang out with friends the hours I don't work if I have the energy.

But it's all worth it in the end :)

So anyway... What do you think about our livingroom? Pretty neat huh?

Friday, January 15, 2016

Days off

Hola peeps.

I've got some days off now and that feels fan-fucking-tastic I tell ya.
I'm gonna sleep long tomorrow too cause Freya is staying at her grandmas place over night. That way I get to catch up on the lacking sleep :)

I'm gonna play a little CoD now that Freya is at daycare and Frost is showering. Gotta try out my new thumbsticks from Kontrol Freek..
Suhweet! They're baby-purple and they're called Galaxy. Ooooh so fancy :D

Go to their site why don't ya? :D

Thursday, January 14, 2016

Pew pew!

Lovely day aye?

I don't have much to say...

Yesterday mom came over and took me and Freya out to the mall :)
Yup. We walked round. Bought shit and ate lunch. Freya got baked potato a d curry chicken goo. Mmm.... I was very envious. I got a crappy salad that didn't have lettuce in it -_- and a fuckton of corn in it which I don't even eat. Haha I did however buy a sketchbook :D

But we had fun. And right before mom came, Moa dropped by with her cute pregnant belly :) Aaaws I missed that girl. A lot. She's having a boy :D yay!

Ah, I wanted to show you guys that the posters are finally framed and up now :D
It was in the middle of the night so the pic ain't that great.


Anyway I guess I should work now hah

Sunday, January 10, 2016


You can't buy this kind of happiness.
I'm having a good day at work, but it turns out I'll be spending my birthday at work as well. So we've already planned this b-day :) haha

It'll definitely be a different kind of birthday.
Luckily I'm off on Frosts Birthday ⌒.⌒
And I'll celebrate big time then teheee~

You better believe it

They're fucking back!

Saturday, January 9, 2016


"Bild regn"

I forgot to blog this week haha But here's some pictures anyway.

I've leveled up in smoothie making I tell you. I make the best smoothies in Sweden now lmao At least Freya says so. I never get to drink mine cause she ends up stealing it. She can have a whole fucking meal just minutes before, and when she sees my smoothie she's all like "That too. Now." otherwise she'll throw a huge tantrum. *sigh* But I'm just glad she has a great appetite since she's a little on the thinner side. But that's cause she has grown a looooot on the length. She's so tall :) But she's always been a tall babypuff. Ever since birth.

She's also taken over the chair in the living room. She can climb it and sit perfectly on her own so she feels really mighty in it haha
She's beeb super snuggly lately. Even as a write, she wiggled herself up in my lap to sit and snuggle. (My little mama heart go squeeeeze over and over haha) I love snuggling her.

Moving on... Ah. Whenever I need hot chocolate. I just make a really delicious lchf one. No sugar at all :D

Oh and I had to go to the hospital last Tuesday. I had such an insane pain in my abdomen and uterus. (I should point out that I was on my period but these cramps were insane. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even pee. Frost laid the entire night and rubbed my tummy gently cause if you touched it with pressure I'd scream)
Apparently I have an infection in my body. ¬_¬ (My blood said so) So I'm eating antibiotics all the time now. Two different kinds. Bleh. In the end they still couldn't tell me what was wrong, she saw a "shadow" on 3cm in the ultrasound but couldn't tell what I was. I asked her if I should worry and she said no so I'm not worried. According to Anna everyone has a shadow inside their body that can't be explained. I suppose that was "my shadow" then :)
It's Saturday now and the pain is fairly subtle. I'm barely in pain there now. But I couldn't take my painkillers with the antibiotics so I'm in a lot of fucking pain in the regular places now. -_- I get really sick if I take them when I'm on antibiotics. It's not fucking worth it. I'd rather be in pain.

So.. What else can I tell you?

Oh! WW BOUGH A NEW COUCH YESTERDAY! YAY! It's already part of the family haha
Frost and Lasse picked it up, but Lasse hurt himself real bad and fell to the ground. He also hit his head on the car so Frost was really worried, so wen he sent me that text I naturally got even more worried. Haha The power of the tone in a voice I tell you. You can't hear the tone in a text. You just assume the worst then. But he's ok. Thank god :)

But anyway. The sofa is awesome too!