First of all, doctors.......... how the fuck can they be so hard to get a hold of?
I've been trying to get in contact with my doc for a week now.
I wanna change my medication cause I feel like I'm abusing my poor liver too much.
And I also need some sort of relaxer so help me wind down at night before bedtime.
I'm thinking valium,
But I can't take any kind of sleeping pills, I can't do that anymore and I refuse to even try because I have a little daughter. And I have a certain time I need to wake up too. What if she cries at night (like she can do sometimes) and I won't wake up huh? Frost doesn't hear much at all once he's actually asleep. And I need to be able to hear her, I also need to be able to hear my dog if she's trying to tell me that she needs to take an emergency shit. Thus I can't take any kind of sleeping pills.
I just need something that'll make me relax in the early evening so I can go to bed a few hours later. Something that'll make me chill out and make my muscles less tense you know?
I ain't a doctor so all I can think of is a form of benzo. I got sobril a few years ago, a very low dose that did absolutely nothing. I didn't even feel it. I kept being tense and stiff as fuck and it took soooo many hours for me to relax and finally sleep.
So my doctor and I will have a very deep and important conversation about it.
We need to find some kind of solution anyway. His idea with some fucking anti anxiety pills at night was completely useless and stupid. It turned me into a zombie the day after. EVERY TIME. And I wouldn't react to Freya's cries fast enough either. It was impossible to work the day after I took one.
Secondly, another thing is that I need to get a yellow cars at the dentist.
I don't know if I wrote this already but I piece of my tooth flew off under certain circumstances and left a hole and a huge crack in the remaining tooth. I feel like if I pick on the tooth a little it'll just crumble to little pieces. Of course I'm fucking terrified too. My teeth are going downhill. And I'm scared. Apparently it's typical for people with EDS (I had no idea about that though)
So, lots of thousands is expected to be spent at the dentist soon. I can feel at least three issues in m teeth. So, yeah... hello debt. haha
Another thing is that after I have a good talk wit the doc (which has to happen) and he gives me whatever medication he feels is good and whatever, I'm going to switch clinic again to the clinic closer to me. When I'm really sick it's impossible to get to the clinic that far away. Unless my mom gives me a ride, which she can't all the time. Plus that clinic doesn't have a gynecologist, which suuuuuck. I am a woman. Sometimes we need to see a freakin' gynecologist. I for example needs to discuss birthcontrols and shit. Meh.
The downside about changing the clinic is that this clinic closest to me doesn't have doctors that stays there. They're all temporary. Aaaaall of them.
Now imagine having a disease that's slowly killing you (figure of speech) and a new doctor every time. You have to tell your story every God damn time too. Unless my doctor is smart enough to write a gooooood journal about all my problems so I don't have to tell it every time.
But nevertheless... I still need to switch clinic. -_-
Doctors these days want to sell you bad shit. They give you bad tips of medication that they're being paid to recommend. You know it's the truth, they've been bought. Bribed or whatever the fuck you wanna call it.
Which is why I read stuff for myself. About what's good for a person with EDS and what's bad.
My doctor don't know shit about EDS. I had to teach him. He was honest about it too. But I just wish someone with a lot of knowledge could give me some tips...
I'm sick and tired of people that fake EDS. They say they have it, they get a stupid doctor to say they have it without knowing WHAT to look for in order to actually give the diagnosis.
Those fake people fuck other people that are really sick up.
They talk a lot of shit about how it's like for them, and what to do to feel better and so on... when it's all bullshit. In the end their advices makes you even more sick. Cause they have no idea what living with EDS really is like. They think that it just hurts in the back or something. (I've heard fakers talk about it before. A person with EDS will always know if they're lying. You can see the misery in their eyes if it's true. haha Like a secret link between EDS people lol)
I've heard about one lady like that in this town. Which is why I've decided to only trust certain people about eds. For instance, the lady that told me she though I had EDS when I was just suffering and no one knew what to do. I'll believe her.
And if my neurologist would say 'hey, I've got this group with people that suffers from difficult EDS that I'd like you to join'. Yes. I'd probably meet them at least once.
But I have found 3 people (or more like my mom accidentally found them) and I plan on having fika with them. All from different ages. One's an old lady, and her EDS is 10 times worse than mine.
I hate to say this, but I'm actually glad that I have my EDS and not hers.
I discover new weird problems about my body almost everyday.
Yesterday my foot just gave up. I didn't even do anything. It just decided to start hurting like it was broken. And I've been limping since then.
It was so hard to hurry to the bus station this morning... limping like crazy. On slippery fucking ice too. -_-
So, I am in an extremely bad mood today. It's worse than yesterday.
My foot hurts... my kneecap want to get dislocated all the time and my spine feels like it's attached though just a tiny thin little thread to my tailbone. A thin thread that'll snap any moment is what it feels like.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.............. there. It feels so much better just getting it all out there. it's my blog so I can write whatever the fuck I want. :D