Sunday, October 16, 2016


Or maybe it's good morning now.'s Good Morning. 😊 It's about 5:30 AM now.... I've been awake the entire night. The ENTIRE DAMN NIGHT.
And I spent the past hour laying next to Freyster in her bed. She woke up screaming like crazy. So she probably had a nightmare. Poor babypuff πŸ’™
That's not the reason I've been up all night though. My tooth ☞ or teeth ☜  (I can't tell which one or if all my teeth on the left side hurts) but it's been hurting like motherfudgsical crazy. I mean that kind of insane tooth pain that can make you fucking GO insane. I just wanted to bang my head as hard as I could into the concrete wall. :(
I've been laying in our bed rolling back and forth...slapping myself...rubbing my jaw... I've actually been shaking out of pain... (It's apparently very normal for someone with EDS to get issues like this with the teeth and the jaw) and my jaw's been locking itself and the gums got swollen and shit....the ENTIRE left side of my mouth is soooooo painful.
In the end I couldn't take it anymore so I took a few pills. A little over the normal dose. Praying that it'd work...even just a little. Just taking the edge if the pain away would help so much..... but nothing happened. πŸ’” Instead the pain grew worse so I had to take even more pills.
So now I'm laying next to Frost, high as a God damn kite. And still in fucking pain. FUCK. So there's no use in trying to take more cause I'll just get an insane opiate itch and waste pills that I'll be needing when my body is being a douche due to EDS.
It's so funny... I'm used to extreme pain. Every day. But tooth ache is a fucking pain of it's own. It's enough to drive anyone crazy.
Thing is I started talking to Frost about my toothache before bed time last night, and I explained to him how terrified I am about going to the dentist in November.
And then BAM!! Hello Panic attack.
I know I have a severe dentist phobia....or just plain old FEAR. But I thought I could handle it. And now I realize I can't do it. I FUCKING CAN'T DO IT!! What the hell am I supposed to do? They're gonna give me laughing gas to make me "relax" so I won't be immune to the shots and sedatives they give me. Buuuuut now it's like I can't go there at all. They're gonna have to sedate me completely. I'll need to be asleep ffs. I can't stop thinking about it. It's crazy...and lame. And I'm ridiculously scared.
Ooourghh... it just won't stop hurting. FUCK FUCKING FUCK FUUUUUUCK. And since my oxy's didn't help I took ibuprofen just now hoping it'll ease the pain just a wee bit.

But when I laid next to Freya it kinda...well... I still hurt like a motherf☆ck☆er but at least I had my focus on her instead. She laid there looking at me with her big blue eyes... I saw her eyelashes flutter in the dark and then she smiled and said Mamma.
I accidentally let out a little whimper because of my jaw...and she turned around and grabbed my face and hugged my head... cradling me almost and said "sshhhh ssshhhh shhhh" while rubbing my face. And then she whispered random words (they weren't even real words lol) and I realized she was trying to whisper "sshhh sshhh It'll be ok".. or something like that...Just like me and Frost do to her when she's crying. πŸ˜„
So damn adorable. ❣πŸ’•πŸ’™  she's seriously such a sweet kid. I don't think there is a more adorable kid out there. (Proud parents here)
She's learning what empathy is. Go my baby girl!
She did the same while I was putting her to bed last night ♡  She kicked me cause she was playing around and I pretended that it hurt, and she immediately grabbed my head and hugged my face and said ssshh sshhh and whispered those completely weird non-words haha And it just warmed my heart. I laid there with an extreme pain in the mouth and a giant smile on it too at the same time. Haha πŸ’•
There's so much love in our little family.
I laid in the bed with her for... probably 40 minutes or so? Best 40 minutes ever. Haha
I love sleeping next to that doodle. And daddy loves sleeping with his little doodle too.
Damn, if he only knew how my night has been (and continues to be) I'm so miserable right now.
Good luck sleeping while I'm this fucking high. Darn it. πŸ˜’  It's impossible. Plus the pain makes it even more impossible so....yeah...there's no winning here. Let's just hope that it's gone tomorrow. 
Unfortunately I'm laying here panicking about going to the dentist again. Shit.
Even if it's in late November. Dear God I really can't let it go. LOL

So let me distract myself by just telling you about how the day was, ok?
The day was awesome. 😊❣πŸ’–  We played in the park for a loooong time. Freya had so much fun. We made sandcastles and ran around. Went down the slide and ran around with Frost.    She even played tag with LeiLei haha and LeiLei was running around like a maniac. Freya laughed so hard at LeiLei going around like a hurricane haha Frost held hot chocolate and I had  coffee ☕😊 Freya walked around sipping on the hot chocolate every now and then while inspecting the playground :)
I took a lot of pics and so did Frost. ♡
I'm going to post all of them tomorrow ok? 

But here's one Frost took of me and Freyster  ♡♡♡

Sorry for writing a fucking novel but it's good to distract myself when I'm in pain.
But I guess I need to try and sleep too. I'm completely exhausted yet too high to sleep. Gah...what a dumb situation. I wish someone could punch me in the face real heard. Just knock me out..
Toothaches suck.
I probably wouldn't be able to sleep if the pain disappeared anyway... the panic about going to the dentist is haunting me every night pretty much.
I'm going to hug Frost now with all my might and try to enjoy myself while snuggling him πŸ’–


  1. I'm sorry you're so miserable. I'd totally help if I could. We sure do love you, Koala Jo! ❤

  2. Awwwe. Darling Jo...
    Ever thought about finding like a private dentist? Usually they are really good with handling people with phobias and also they have stronger sedatives. Granny also has severe dentist phobia (probably because her teeth are quite messed up as they are) and they always make sure that she's not that scared whenever she's there. Also, I think you're allowed to have a person with you into the dentist office, meaning that Frost should be able to hold your hand while you're scared.

    And gaaah. Freyster the caretaker. That's adorable. SOME FREYSTER TLC <3


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