First good day in a while again

Well you know, these days come and go lol
But I oh so do appreciate a good day :D
And today's been sweet AF.

Like, last week... I had like two amazing days with Frost. And one of the days we went and had a date in town and shit. *Fuck yeah* And then snuggles and fun with Freya when we came home. Those days were just perfect you know? I like the other days of my life too, but the days I'm given where the pain levels are lower, and I even have emergy.... yeah those are the best days usually lol

And then I think the day after.... my knee got dislocated again. But not the same way it had been the week before....as per usual it immediately hopped into place again, but the pain and shock I went through... now that was different. The pain was extreme, and unexpected too. Cause I've sort or already gotten used to getting my knee dislocated. I'm used to the pain, so normal people would scream when that happens.... I'm mostly quiet about it..But this time, I screamed like I freakin' belonged in an asylum or something. The pain was fucking weird and unreal. I KNEW I fucked something up big time then.
And then I continued to cry hysterically for half an hour or so....

I didn't cry cause I was hurting though. I cried cause right then I felt that.. Fuck, I had one good day. ONE. And then everything came crumbling down again. FAST. Everything got drowned in pain and agony....again.
It just got dislocated again without me actually even moving. So I cried out of frustration.... later that evening my brother came to visit too. But I was kinda like in a apathetic state, so eventually Frost went outside with him and they smoked. I remember that Daniel tried to talk to me. But I wasn't really... I dunno, I wasn't really listening at first I guess. And then I realized after a while that I looked like a racoon. My eyeliner and mascara had been smeared all over the place from crying so hard 😑 And frost had ordered me a sallad, so he tried to make me eat (it was my absolute favorite food so..)
I tried to talk to Daniel I think? Or maybe I didn't.... I actually don't remember most of that evening.
I remember asking him not to tell anyone. Cause the last thing I needed was another one asking me if I was ok. I reeeeaaaallyy didn't want to talk about it anymore. No need to make me sound more pitiful than I already do 😬😬😬 Fuck that.


But the day after I was walking again so... progressing fast in a way, progressing bad too.

The only difference is that ever since thursday, I've noticed that my knee actually comes off completely every other step I take. Like it actually comes loose. And it's scary and gross. And I know that if I don't pay 100% focus on it... it's gonna get dislocated for reals.
So, I decided then and there to accept the offer, to do the knee surgery.

I wanna wait till winter, since the infections risks are smaller then. And I'm more prone to get infections and shit... But these are thoughts that I've been struggling with since friday last week.
I've been feeling depressed and really lost and alone.

My brother and Frost have both been very supporting though... both kept encouraging me all week. And Frost's been trying to cheer me up a lot. It's just hard to feel happy when your'e sitting there wondering how your body is gonna work, if it's even gonna be of use to you. Or if it's just going to be in the way. Obviously it wasn't just that that's been bothering me. But it's played a big part. I absolutely fucking HATE showing that I'm in pain. And No, I haven't been able to overcome it yet. So fuck off. 


But today however.... today turned out to be a damn fine day. 🍀 My first good day in a week.
And holy fuck, did I need a good day.

We picked up Freya early today, and then let her go to the park just like she had requested yesterday.
She got a drink, I got a coffee... cause we had to go to ica first. (See, Freya did a bad thing to one of her classmates, her friends isn't aware of it cause she had already left for the day. But the teacher told me what she did. But before I even had a chance to have a discusssion about it with Freyster and Frost, I overheard her telling Frost about it. She told him on her own what she had done, she showed that she felt ashamed of what she had done, and then she said she'd use her piggy bank money to buy a new one)
Obviously I let her believe that she used her own money, it's good for her character. But of course we paid for it... My little doodle. 💓

Naturally I was upset to hear what she had done it (it wasn't that big of a deal tbh, but it was the fact that she took something that wan't hers on purpose and then broke it) but the fact that she chose to tell Frost herself, and that she was completely honest on her own made us very proud. So we went to ICA, and bought her friend a new one, and I put a card on it and wrote an apology from Freyster and she'll get it tomorrow morning.
I mean, it wasn't a big thing she ruined, but it was something that she just took from someone else's shelf that someone put up there cause they wanted it safe, cause they had just gotten it today as a gift.😐 So wether it was cheap or expensive, brand new or old... doesn't matter, the whole point istaking things that doesn't belong to you is something we're very much against. And we had a good talk about it too.💗 We didn't have to say much either, since she had said most of it on her own. She knew she was wrong, she was sorry, she apologized. It's all good man.👍
But we decided to not get angry or show any signs of anger at all tbh, simply because I value honesty. And she showed that today. And that she felt sorry for doing it.

But anyway, after we'd been to the store, (I got myself a coffee from there too) we went to the park and Freyster found her friend, and they had a hoot haha
Me and frost sat down, and I chit chatted with her friends mom 💙

It's just been a really good day. An I definitely needed a good one. And Frost too.